After years of begging, negotiations and tears I finally gave in and let the kids have a dog.

We »tried« with the bunnies before to see if the kids are mature and reponsible enough to even have an animal. And they more than proved they are. Of course there were some days when they needed to be reminded to feed them or clean their cage, but otherwise they were and still are taking good care of them.

The first puppy we chose died during the sterilisation operation. After the first shock and desperate children’ cry we started to look for another. We were so eager now to get a dog. Still determined to get one from the shelter, we browsed the internet and called around. With very little luck. When we found a dog we liked one was already taken. Then we found another and no one answered the phone. At the third attempt their attitude was really awful.

Why is this happening to us? Why are we having so much troubles? What does this mean?
As if they were all saying »We are not giving you the dog.«

We were so focused and determined to get that dog at any price. Right there and then. We were pushing and pushing and of course it was just like banging on the wall. We were not allowing the dog to come to us, we wanted it just the way we thought was the right way.

It suddenly became too much of everything. We stopped and relaxed. We just let it be. We decided to have a dog and sooner or later we would get one.

Then we found that perfect dog. It was literally waiting for us at the first shelter we looked. And this one is exactly what we wished for. Small, cute, sweet and friendly. She’s adopting to our family and our life style. It’s like we’ve always had a dog. The girls are taking really good care of her, giving her food, taking her for walks, grooming her and cleaning after her. They even set their alarm clocks to take her out in the night.

The lesson?

Of course it’s esential we know what we want. It’s the first step to getting it. But after that we need to relax. Let it happen. Wait for signs and signals for our inspired actions. Not something our logical mind is telling us, or something we think we should do, but acts that we are feeling deeply inside that are the right ones and that will take us closer to our goals.

If you’re having troubles in your life, are you solving them by pushing your own solutions? Are you determined to have it your way? Do you just know how it needs to be done? How it’s supposed to happen? Well, maybe your way is not the right way or at least not the only way? If it was you wouldn’t had that troubles, right?

We just need to let go. Get out of our own way and allow things to happen. Listen to our hearts. Follow our feelings. And expect the best.

This month my dear daughter surprised me with her decision: »Mom, I will be a vegetarian.« Wow… this is something you don’t really want to hear, especially if your daughter has trainings every day for few hours and everyone believes that she needs meat (and I must say here that we don’t eat a lot of meat, but still…).

It was the same day that I saw an article on my Facebook wall describing the traps, teenagers fall in, when deciding to go vegetarian. According to this article, more teenage »vegetarian« girls suffer from eating disorders and health problems, related to food than the »normal« group. It could be the first step to eliminating other foods as well. You can read the whole article HERE.

Actually no one was happy about it. Her swimming coach asked us about our food preferences, in school they noticed she’s not eating everything as she did before… And I really started to worry.


But it also happens that at the time I was reading a great inspirational book by Sean Stephenson »Get off Your But..«. He has a rare genetic disease, that caused his bones to be incredibly brittle. At one occasion, when he broke his femur again, feeling sorry and discouraged, his mom asked him: Is this going to be a gift or a burden?

What better question to ask yourself? Am I going to allow myself to worry and be against just because… or are we going to make something good out of it?

So I gave my daughter a homework: »OK, you can be a vegetarian, if you provide me with information, how you are going to get all the essential nutrients.« She googled, borrowed a book from the library and really studied, and she came with a list of things she needed to eat. And I must admit those are the foods that we need as well, being the vegetarian or not.

My whole family is eating better now and we are making healthier choices for our meals. It turned out to be a blessing, Even though we still have a lot to learn, it’s a great start to watch our diet and become more conscious about the food we are putting into our bodies.

Every time, something »negative« happens in your family, ask yourself:

• Is this going to be a gift or a burden?
• Is there anything in your life, in your family, which you don’t like?
• Maybe you adopted a habit that you don’t like?
• Or maybe you wanted to change something for some time?
• Make a decision and create a situation that can be a turning point to ask yourself: Is this going to be a gift or a burden?

When children celebrate their birthdays or now, when Christmas is just around the corner I started to think about perfect gift for the children. Is it something they need? Something they want? Something that is clever and smart to do?

One year Tina invited her friends and asked them to contribute money for the PSP (portable playstation). She earned and saved some of the money, and she hoped to get some from her friends. I really appreciated her efforts to get her own money instead of just asking and bagging me for it.

But as I might think it’s a good idea, other parents obviously didn’t agree. I am always very pleased when anyone tell me what he wants or needs. It’s so difficult to buy a present to someone who already has everything.

Well, Tina got enough money to buy PSP ( I gave her some, too), but from half of her friends she got presents. And I must say those gifts were something she was really pleased to receive (it’s so much more exciting to unwrap the gift than open an envelope, right?).

It got me thinking. Why those kids (or parents) prefer to give presents instead of something Tina asked for? Because it’s cheaper? More appropriate? They didn’t feel comfortable giving money away?

I know that few times I was not sure what’s appropriate amount of money to give. So instead of giving too little (for the recipient) or too much (especially for me) I chose to go buy the present. And in some way I hide myself and my feelings behind the gift.

But then you ignore the wishes and you usually buy something you think is ok. You might like and know the person very well, but then why do you totally disregard his or her desires.

So what I usually do, I ask for any wishes, and if the person has none, I go buy something, but if a  person asks for money, I give it whatever amount feels right for me. And I don’t really think about the recipient emotions, I admit, even if this sounds a bit odd. If he asked for money, I gave money. And if he wants money to get his wishes come through, even few dollars can bring him closer, right?

What do you do? How do you handle this? Please share your comments below.

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Every evening when my daughers go to bed, I go to tuck them and kiss them good night. But the other day I was working on something and we say goodnight and kissed right after the dinner.

Tina said: “Will you come and kiss me again, when you will go to sleep?”
“Sure.”

But I didn’t. I completely forgot about my promise.

Next morning I was about to do laundry and while I was getting sheets from the beds, I also asked Tina to get her dirty clothes from her room. And that’s when she got me! “You didn’t come to kiss me yesterday. Otherwise you would see that I cleaned ant tiedied my room and that ther are no dirty clothes around.” Ooopss.

So, how many times are we saying or doing things that we don’t mean? Or that we say them just to go on with our lives and forget about them?

Even if it doesn’t sound much, it meant a lot to Tina. And I dissapointed her. I felt so bad. Not just because I broke my promise, I might even signal her, that she’s not really important. I skipped the ritual for other “more important” thing and it looks like I didn’t think of her at all passing her room to my bed.

Now think about your life and your situations.

Are there any little lies you are telling your child just to get peace, or just to send him off, or because you don’t feel like doing something. When doing those kind of things, think about your priorities. Remember, children grow up really, really fast and before we know it, they are out of our lives (or at least out of our houses). There are situations when you need peace and be calm or finish something, but explain to your child your situation. Tell him, that you will be there for him after that. Make a deal with your kid and trade your lack of time at that moment for something even more than he asks.

Then there are another lies, that are aimed to protect our kids. But are they really protecting? Those lies usually include some kind of accidents, mishaps, maybe death.. First think about yourself. Would you rather have the truth and deal with it or would you rather get vague, misguiding, misleading or even contradictory explanations. Because children see when there is something wrong. They sense it. You can’t really hide your feelings and emotions behind nice words. Of course every situation requires different approach, and you should explain kids in such a manneer that he understands, but the truth is always better than lies. And what if he hears it from someone else? Isn’t it better that you, who knows him best and knows how to tell it, give him explanations rather than some stranger, who might assume that your child already knows bad news?

What about lies about our money, wages, properties? Sometimes we are not exactly lying, but we are avoiding the topic. Children are often quite direct about money, they talk among themselves how much their parents have (money, car…). And when the car or the house are obvious posessions we really can’t (and won’t) hide, we are often embarassed to talk about money. Especially if we don’t have much. We often say to our kids, when they want something, that we can’t afford it or  that we don’t have that kind of money (or even worse – money doesn’t grow on trees). But how would they know? They have no idea how much money is required to pay the bills, the food, clothes, all activities… Usually, all the experience that they have with money, are alowance and occasional gifts and they usually spend it just like they wish. So talking openly about money, where it comes from and how we spend it, is not only fair to our children, it’s part of the “must-have” education.

What little lies are you telling your child? Please share your comments below, I would love to hear from you.

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Few weeks ago (oh, my, how time flies) I was writing how our attitudes and our expectations form our lives. And few days ago it proved right once again. I was at the parents‘ meeting in school. Tina’s class is going to spend a week at the seaside, swimming and learning at the beach. The kids are so excited and can’t wait to go. And parents are excited as well, but unfortunately many of them in the negative way.

 So after the teacher explained what they will be doing and how will they spend their days and nights (yes, they will be sleeping there) a whole lot of questions arise. Mostly really frustrating and worrying. What if something happens? How is the food (you know… my girl is really picky)? What if my boy wakes up in the middle of the night, how will he find the teacher? And the biggest issue was should the kids take with them their cell phones to call parents. We agreed some time ago on another parents’ meeting that we are not giving the phones to kids. But as usual there are always parents who break the agreements because their kids really need to call his or her mum whenever he or she wants. Really? Or are the mothers who need to hear the kids to feel important? Secure? Alive?

 It is quite normal to worry about your kid well-being. But what is too much is just too much. I am absolutely sure that the teacher is perfectly capable of handling different situations. They would call parents as soon as something went wrong. And this is not their first trip ever. They are doing it every year. It is not something new, unknown, going alone or with strangers. Anja, my older daughter is in this school eighth year and I don’t remember anything bad ever happened.

What message do you think these parents are giving to their child? Here are just a few possible answers: You can’t do it without me. You should be miserable without me around. You will (should) miss me. You will feel lousy. It will be frustrating. Teachers are not capable of handling the situations. Don’t listen to the teacher, call me instead. I am the only one that can give you support/help/solution.

Even though these parents think that this is how they should show their care, they are robbing their children the beautiful experience of fabulous adventure. They are taking away from kids their opportunities and limiting their learning. And instead that the kids have fun and enjoy they worry what the parents will think and feel.

Here are few action steps for you:

• Recall different situations where your kid was suppose to do/be/go without you
• Review your conduct of behavior (think about your words, actions, feelings..)
• Are there any traces of negative feelings or actions? If so, think about your deeper feelings and motivation behind your actions.
• Create an empowering story! Imagine how you could do things differently. What would be ideal situation?

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When we face conflicts in the families (and of course in other areas of life as well), we approach them very differently. Do you make others accept your points of view by attacking them or do you try to avoid the argument giving away your own interests?

There are different ways to resolve conflicts. Look at these animals and see how they approach them:

A turtle hides itself in its shell to avoid conflicts. It thinks that it is best to stay out of the critical situation and the problem will go away or solve itself.

A shark is trying to overpower the opponents. It wants to win and reach its goals no matter what. It is not interested in other’s needs and wishes, but its own. It wants to be a winner and gets it with attacking and frightening others.

To bears the relationships with others are far more important than goals. They want to be loved, understood and accepted, therefore they would conceal the conflict to stay in good relationship with everyone..

An owl is appreciating its own and others goals, as well as the relationships. It sees the conflict as a problem that needs to be solved, and it seeks solutions that would make everybody a winner.

A fox compromises. It is ready to give up some of its own goals and wants the same from others. It seeks the middle way between both ends in the effort to find the agreement that is good for all.

Of course there are situations when we act one way or another, and we use different approaches for different situations.

But think about your behavior! What kind of behavior you use most of the time? Which animal would you choose that best describe your approach?

Are there any specific situations that you would be more compromising than others? Where are you giving your power and your voice away (as a turtle) and when are you attacking others (as the sharks)?

What about your family? Is there someone who always gives up her/his wishes to please others? Do you sit down and try to find the middle way that suits all family members?

Is someone always getting his way just because others don’t want to fight or they are frightened? Sometimes parents talk to kids that way, using their power to make the kids do or behave certain way. And eventually kids might become little turtles, hiding and avoiding conversations only to avoid any outburst of anger.

There are situations in family life where the compromises are out of the question (like any hazardous or life threatening situations), but most of the time it is about finding the middle way between different interests and goals. When doing so we show (and teach) our children that by openly talking about our expectations, goals and fears we can find the answer that would be win-win for everybody.

Share your thoughts and comments with others!

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This weekend we had the worst weather possible. It was raining and many rivers flooded so at the end of the weekend they evacuated several hundred people, few died, schools are closed… It was just horrible, seeing so many houses under water, roads and bridges ruined…

Luckily we live far enough from the rivers and flooding areas, so our house is safe, but the water got into our oil tank, so we have no heating (which we don’t need yet) and warm water. Which is nothing compared to some other people, but it is something we need to take care of.

So when after few days of no TV, no internet, no phone, no warm water, we (especially girls) finally decided that we need to wash our hairs, it became a major project. I heated the water on the stove several times, as we don’t have large enough pots. The girls have fun, they couldn’t imagine how this way was quite normal some years (decades) ago. A surprise came from Tina: ” Wow, we are really spending so much water.”

And the lesson?

I guess they never imagined the quantity of the water we really spend for washing and cleaning, because it is drained down the sink, so they never see all of it. I sure hope that they will become more aware of the water waste. 

I learned my lesson as well. I often talked to them about saving the water. But I guess they never really understood that it can be a serious problem. For them it was something that is always there when you open the tap. So…never assume that someone can imagine something when he or she never saw it or the images could be completely different. I need to take time to explain more and show more, so they see, hear, feel and only then understand things.

So, how are you making sure, that your kids understand what you are saying? Please comment below.

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When I stepped into my daughter’s room all that I saw were papers on the floor, books scattered on the desk, bed unmade, crayons all around…

Luckily before I started to scream and yell at her I stopped and think. She knows that her room is her responsibility and even though I would love to have it clean and tidy, I decided not to intervene.

I rather though about other things she does around the house. That she just helped me with the dinner. And the day before she cleaned the windows in the living room. She cares really well for her bunnies.

When shifting my focus I was easily ignoring the mess in her room. It felt so much better to see positive things she does. Especially when I commented on her good work, she just lit up. So what do you think her room will be like in the future?

It could have been so easy to just yell. To pick on her for all the other things going on in my life.

Think about it! What kind of behavior are you focusing on? Do you see the positive or you are just looking for the negative? Do you see what someone did for you or do you see what he could do and didn’t? Or what you expected to be done and nobody read your mind? It is our choice. We choose which side we turn to. But the positive is always better. You just have to make the right decision.

To start, look around and see what you have. Notice the things that others have done, not just for you but for the family. Appreciate little things. Think about little steps you took. And finally identify the things that are all around us, but we all take them for granted. Feel the gratitude and raise your positive vibrations.

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My husband recently took a job to type and design the book for a colleague. He asked our daughter Anja to help him with the typing. And promising her to pay for her part of work made her quite excited about the job. She already made plans how she will spend the money.

Until… she chatted about it with her friends. And to my surprise they were not supporting at all.

“We are having holidays. Holidays are for fun, not work”.

“You are getting only 100 euros! It is not worth the effort.”

“So much work for so little money.”

I was literally shocked. Do the kids today really have everything and get everything without any effort? Is work really so little worth? Is 100 Euros really little money? How about the effort to earn her own money to spend it however she wants?

We give our daughters allowances, but this is no big money, just to give them the sense of it. Actually they have (almost) everything they want and we provide them with everything they need. And they have to put the allowance money into five piggy-banks for different purposes, like rainy days savings, charity, investments and spending. But if they want something really special, they have to earn extra money doing different chores. They do most of simple domestic chores (like making the beds, emptying trash bins…) for free, as their contribution for the family. But something like washing the car or mowing the lawn, we pay them something extra.

And this was an extra job and Anja would earn significantly more than usual. But listening to her friends it was not worth the effort.

How do you manage money with your kids? Do they have to work to earn money? Would love to hear your comments and advices below!

When I asked my girls to do some simple stuff around the house, they immediately started complaining: You are giving us so much to do; it’s so difficult; it will take us whole afternoon; we are having school holidays and you are making us work and so on and so on…. You know how that goes?

Annoyed with their complaining I asked: “Those are really simple tasks like taking the trash our, how long do you think it will take you to do them?”

And of course they answered: “It’s so much work! We will do these for the whole afternoon”.

I said: “OK, let’s see.”

Then I prepared a table with tasks and left some space for notes. When they start performing those little tasks, I measured time and as you might imagine they did everything in 15 minutes. But it was fun and because of that it was not so difficult to do.

So, next time you want something from your kids, make it a challenge:

1. Measure how much time something will take them to do
2. Make a competition – who will be first to finish the tasks
3. Let them guess how much time will they need for the task and see how close they got
4. Set a time goal and see if they can perform within the specified time frame

Just like the kids learn through play and the play is their job, it will be so much easier if you make their “job” a play. Let them do something at their own pace and even their own way. As long as it is done what do you care how it is done.