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How often do you say to yourself and/or your kids. »I can’t afford it.« »If only we had more money.« »I don’t have time.«

But do you really need a lot of money and time to feel good and enjoy life? No. If I asked you when were you most happy, what would you say? When you had lots of money or would you remembered fun times with your friends or quite evenings with a good book. You know that being happy and satisfied has nothing to do with the money. And the same goes to time. Are you using it as an excuse?

It’s all about the attitude. The only thing you really need is an idea of what you want and some effort to follow the idea.

Today I decided to give you some ideas to help you make these small steps toward better life:

• Set aside some private time (only-me time).
• Go for a walk with your friend or family member.
• Talk about good things in life with excitement.
• Create a daily routine for a family to sit together and talk (like family tea-time or after-dinner time).
• Write a gratitude journal every evening, together as a family.
• Create a family bulletin board – put up drawings from your child, photographs, awards, emails from happy clients, and so on to help you build your self-esteem.
• Write notes with something positive and leave them around for others to find them.
• Play with your children.
• Put flowers in and around your home – fresh cut or plants, all will make you feel good.
• Observe trees, flowers, animals… Really see and feel the beauty around you.
• Declutter some of your space – it can be a shelf or whole closet, when you clean and put away the things you don’t need anymore, you will feel lighter and fresher.
• Donate things you don’t need or want anymore.
• Talk to someone, that you don’t know but you are seeing him/her very often (like someone you meet on the bus, maybe cashier…)
• If you know someone who is elderly and in need of company, visit him/her.
• Call an old friend.
• Make it a habit to leave something good behind (if you’re done reading your magazine or newspaper, leave it behind for someone else to read; if you buy a soda from the vending machine, leave some spare change behind for the next person to use; ..)
• Decide to do something new, something you’ve never done before.
• Don’t sweat the small stuff – choose your battles wisely and ignore little annoyances.
• Indulge yourself – find ways to pamper yourself without going broke. An ice-cream, a hot bath or glass of champagne doesn’t cost much, but they can have huge impact on your well-being and feelings.

ENJOY!

Of course, you would say »No.« And of course, I know that you can only live now in this present moment. But are your thoughts in the now? Or are you spending days dreaming (or fearing) about the future or complaining about the past? If so, you are not living in the present and you are not enjoying your time here and now. Your mind is turned to the past or future.

Let me first tell you two stories.

Few years ago I was running regularly, to stay fit and most of all, to stay sane. One hour a day let me clear my mind. Then I stopped. As I became more and more frustrated and gain some weight, I decided that this year I will start again. But I was puting it off and finding all kind of excuse (I’m sure some of you can relate). One day, on a perfect sunny weather, with just the right temperature and enough time to actually do it, I heard the weather forecast. Next week was going to be cold, rainy… not the weather for running. And I decided not to go. Even though the day was great, I did not seize it.

Now another story. And you might guess it’s about my kids. My younger daughter Tina has birthday in February. Because she wants to invite all her friends (and she has lots of them), we usually have her birthday party in late June, by the pool. Last year she invited around 20 friends, we organized someone to bake crepes to them, they were jumping and shouting… the usual stuff. But then it started to rain. Would you think they bothered? Not at all. They included the rain in their games (it was even more fun), we put drinks and food under the roof and on with the party…
Can you imagine which one of us had better time? Me, afraid of something in the future or her, enjoying every minute of her party.

And this is one of the most important things I learned from my kids. »Seize the day.« Don’t worry about tomorrow or something, that might (or even might not) happen. Enjoy the NOW. Do what you can in the present. Learn to have fun any time. Don’t let worries and fears stop you. Especially not about something you don’t know. You know how it is now. And you always can make something good of it:)

Enjoy your NOW!

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We had an interesting conversation the other day about, I guess, the everlasting issue in the parenting – how to make your kids to clean up their rooms. You know, when you tell your kids to do it, they come up with all kind of excuses and arguments: »It’s too much to do, it will take so long…«

What I found out is that many parents, even if they are usually patient and understanding, are frustrated with this. And despite all good intentions and the »training«, the rooms seem to be always messed and cluttered.

One way to deal with it could definitely be, that you don’t put any attention to it. That you just leave your kids alone. If they want to live in the mess, let them. If they don’t have nothing ot wear, I don’t care. But I’m sure we can agree that is not really a solution. Or at least not our, »law of attraction« way, when we want to focus on the positive and teach kids with good examples, not the hard and dirty way.

Do you know what first step in Law of Attraction is? To ask in a very detailed and specific way.

Not just telling them to clean up their rooms. For the children it would mean the same as if someone asks you to build a house. It could be really overwhelming and scary. And it’s not specific. If you would be asked to build a house, what would your first (logical) reaction be? You would ask all kinds of questions – Where? How big? What style? How many bedrooms? With a terrace? Etc.

It’s the same with the rooms. When you say “clean up your room”, your child doesn’t really know what you mean.
There are two other important issues that you must take into consideration.

One is to ask yourself for your own motivation and underlying feelings. Sometimes we just snap to kids because we got frustrated with some other issues. We came home tired and nervous and the kids are easy target. Maybe their rooms are not that messed, but we just need to take some control and let our own frustrations go.

Do you often use their rooms for punishment? If your child doesn’t spend much time in his/her room or if he is usually playing or doing homework in other areas of the house, he might feel the task of cleaning the room as a punishment. That’s why you might offer your support or help, but I’m pretty sure they won’t need it. Sometimes it’s enough that you are around.

Another issue is that often our own perception of clean and order is totally different from our child’s. We are looking the world through our own lenses. And our children can have a completely different idea what their rooms should look like. Remember that there are different types of people. And they are learning and experiencing the world in different ways – some like to read and see materials,, while others rather hear about it and some would try it for themselves. They are called the visual, auditory or kinesthetic type. You child might have a different view on the world and you should organize (or let them organize) their environment to support these preferences.

If I go back to the »ask« part. Be specific and detailed. Split one overwhelming task to smaller tasks, to little steps. Determine the milestones (just as any planning process) and let them do one thing at a time. Encourage them with some rewards, when they reach those milestones – offer a snack, some play time…

Good idea is also to limit the time. The children can’t really evaluate that sometimes a simple task requires very little time. They are usually in a defensive mode, feeling that it will take forever. But in reality often the arguments last longer than the tasks themselves. Make it fun and make it short enough. You can say: »Empty your trash bin and it will take you 3 minutes (and I can even measure time, so yu’ll be sure that it’s true and you will know for the next time), then you can go back to your games.« It will give them some control over the task with definiteness and a reward at the end.

When I ask my girls to tidy their rooms, I let them choose what they will do, but I often set a time limit. »Let’s do it for 15 minutes and what’s done is done.« It’s working much better than when they have a lot of time and usually it’s more done than in hours. And the best part of it is,that they often beg for more time to finish the task:)

After you get through your first step (ask), the other two – to believe and to expect the realisation – should not be that difficult, right?

How do you cope with this issue? What are your ideas, techniques…? Please share below.

This is the perfect time of year to take stock of who we are and where we are going.

To show my appreciation for your support throughout the year, I’m excited to share this incredibly motivational short video with you called “Your Life Certificate.”

Please take a moment to sit back, relax and enjoy.

Watch the video.

To Your Success In 2011!

Alenka

Can you imagine what they are? No, I don’t mean cursing or calling him names. Those words that I have in mind are actually really polite, can be even nice and well-meaning, but they are deadly.

They will not kill your child, of course, but they will kill his ambition, his dreams and his motivation. And those are the things that we as a parents need to empower. What would happen to your child, when he grows up and find himself in the life with no future, no motivation, no inspiration and nothing to look after? He might just be dead as well.

And what are those 3 words?

You must

Whenever we say to our child “You must do something.” or “You must be something.” , we are giving him orders. We approach him from our authority perspective, giving him no choice whatsoever. When we say “You must…” the child understands it as “You better do this or…”.

There is always an alternative. We can ask a child to do something. We can suggest. We can explain, why we need something to be done.

You should

It’s similar to “You must…” It sounds a bit nicer, but still there are threats and expectations hidden behind those words. Again, the child understands it “It really doesn’t matter what you do, but you better do it my way. I am smarter here and I know what’s best for you.”

Why don’t you go through the option your child have together? You can discuss all the pros and cons and he can decide what’s better alternative.

You can’t

This one is the most vicious killer of dreams of them all. When we say those words, we are saying to our child, he is not good enough, not smart enough, not valuable enough. And often times that others are more important than he is. Because we don’t say “You can’t” just like that. Many times we think about our environment, our friends and relatives, or even worse, about the strangers, that might see our child doing something, we think he shouldn’t.

But guess what! All the great inventors, great adventurers, great men and women of our world… they all did, what they shouldn’t and what others said they can’t.

Give your child a wings, keep his dreams alive and avoid those 3 deadly words.

 Make it a New Year Resolution to eliminate those words from your vocabulary.

Need help? Check out Raising Sparkling Kids© program!

I would love to hear your thoughts. Post your comments below!

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• Love Daily: Words that heal, words that harm, Nov. 26, 2010 (ritawatson.com)
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• How to Say No in Language Your Kids Will Understand (socyberty.com)
• Child’s Play (greatergood.berkeley.edu)

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This last weekend I spent at the golf tournament. I don’t play golf yet, but I decided I will sometime soon (like next spring). My husband was photographing the event and we were driving around in the golf car. It was so much fun:)

Once, we stopped to wait for the players to hit their balls and I was observing their decisions. They were standing at one side of the small pond, while the hole was on the other side. And they were pondering the length, which clubs to take, how to hit…

But the distance was quite large and I was calculating:”If I would be playing… if I hit hard, it might not be enough and the ball might end in the pond, but if I play safe, the ball would stay on this side of the pond and I would need to hit again, losing points.”

And then it stroke me. It’s just like our decisions in life.

Think about it! How would you play? Would you play safe or would you go for it no matter what? Would you rather go slow or give everything and risk losing something?

You know, someone he looks up to. Someone he admires his characteristics, his attitude and his (super) powers. It can be a person, fantasy creature, movie or cartoon character or even an animal.

What is important is that he finds something good and noteworthy in him/it and he wants to possess the same qualities.

Encourage your kid to find his own role model or several of them. Too often we, the parents put down the power of the role models. When we say things like ”Don’t be silly, don’t act like that, you are not a superman.” we are actually putting down all the positive sides of that role model.

Instead you should help your kids to find a positive role model. By emphasising positive qualities and encouraging thinking like a super hero we are giving our kids the power to think outside the box. When the kid personifies his role model, he is adopting the thinking and behaving of that superhero.

If your kid doesn’t have a role model, maybe you can encourage finding one to the specific situations. When facing a problem, ask your kid who might help him. What qualities would he need to find the solution? Who might be best help him with the problem? You can offer several ideas, giving your kid time to think from different angles. Superman might solve the problem differently than Ben10 or Lion the King. And when playing and stepping in their shoes he might find the right solution.

Teach your kid to ask for help imaginary creatures when he faces challenges. He might ask for help someone that he think could help him, like Einstein for mathematical problems. Teach him to approach the problem from different positions by using the power of different models.

Of  course you should monitor that behaviour do not become violent, negative or event destructive, but as long as the kid is pretending to be someone better, stronger and smarter, you should support his play.

You might check out the workbook “50 Law of Attraction Games for Children” to help you with the role playing and finding the qualities your kid admires.

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My husband recently took a job to type and design the book for a colleague. He asked our daughter Anja to help him with the typing. And promising her to pay for her part of work made her quite excited about the job. She already made plans how she will spend the money.

Until… she chatted about it with her friends. And to my surprise they were not supporting at all.

“We are having holidays. Holidays are for fun, not work”.

“You are getting only 100 euros! It is not worth the effort.”

“So much work for so little money.”

I was literally shocked. Do the kids today really have everything and get everything without any effort? Is work really so little worth? Is 100 Euros really little money? How about the effort to earn her own money to spend it however she wants?

We give our daughters allowances, but this is no big money, just to give them the sense of it. Actually they have (almost) everything they want and we provide them with everything they need. And they have to put the allowance money into five piggy-banks for different purposes, like rainy days savings, charity, investments and spending. But if they want something really special, they have to earn extra money doing different chores. They do most of simple domestic chores (like making the beds, emptying trash bins…) for free, as their contribution for the family. But something like washing the car or mowing the lawn, we pay them something extra.

And this was an extra job and Anja would earn significantly more than usual. But listening to her friends it was not worth the effort.

How do you manage money with your kids? Do they have to work to earn money? Would love to hear your comments and advices below!

Some kids are open and can make new friends quite easily where ever they go. And some are just nothing like that. They stick to their mothers and won’t move away for an inch. Their mothers usually say: “It is such a shy kid.” But in reality only part of this can be attributed to their nature. It’s also the result of their upbringing and circumstances.

Now at the beginning of new school year or going to the kindergarten for the first time, it can be quite challenging for some kids to be comfortable with new people.

Here are few tips how you can help your child to make new friends:

1. Examine your own thoughts, words and actions!

However strange it may sound, it all starts with you. How do you behave with strangers? What are you saying abut other people? How do you describe other kids? Are they adorable little creatures or those awful dirty screaming punks?

When you relate to others with negative words and even frightening your child, he will certainly feel insecure around new people. If they will be nice to him, he might even feel that he is betraying you if he is to return the kindness.

If you act reserved and going away from other people it’s great probability that your kid will act the same way.

2. Take it slow

Sometimes the kids are naturally shy and need some more time, even if you are very outspoken and open. In this case, keep your positive attitude, as it can help a lot. Approach other kids and communicate with them, making sure your kid see that it’s safe and that it’s ok to talk and play with them.

Encourage interactions with other people but don’t push your kid to make friends. He might need some more time. Allow him enough time and space to get comfortable with others. Maybe you can invite some families over your house for some ice-cream or lemonade. It will be much easier for your kid dealing with strangers in  familiar environment.

3. Keep it safe!

Even though most people are nice and friendly, there are some who are not. Let your kid know about dangers and how to react when faced with them. It is important not to scare or even threaten your kid. Explain differnet, possibly hazardous situations in simple and neutral terms.

How do you help your child when meeting new people and making new friends? Please share your thoughts and comme

I was lying the other day on the beach and there were many families with kids around me. As usual I was observing how the parents treat children and how the kids behave.

What really bothered me that day was that some parents were treating their kids as they were little babies even when they were already 4, 6 or even more years old.

Are you doing the same mistake? Do you always stand behind your kid and follow each step? Are you yelling: “Dress up, you will catch cold?” or “Don’t go there, you will fall!” or even “You already ate one ice-cream today, you might get ill if you eat more!”. And then there were parents who were dressing and undressing the kids. Running after them with sandwiches. Going with them to the ice-cream parlor just few steps away. Or have them wear shoes all the time.

By over-protecting your kid you are doing great damage to his self-esteem and his self-worth. You are taking away his power to do the things his way and to learn by doing. And you are depriving him of some great experiences.

Here are some tips you might consider doing:

• Even small kids can quickly learn to dress and undress, so let them do it by themselves. There is no need that you control them or even do it for them. So what if not everything is just perfect. The kids don’t mind and they can play as well with two different socks.
• Let your kid do errands – kids are eager to learn things that adults are doing. Let them do basic chores (like making beds, doing the laundry, getting out garbage, even some cooking and cleaning). It will take time at first, but you can be sure, they will learn soon enough. Not only will they feel empowered, you’ll have less work to do
• Give them some tools. Except when the stuff is too heavy or dangerous, when you should protect your child, let them bang and saw just like his daddy. The final product is not as much important as the feeling of creation. And when you actually produce something together they will be so proud.
• Send your kid to buy something. Do it with caution, but let him go to the store, pick up things and pay for them. Start with small list, ice-cream or donut , and wait for the kid in front of the store.
• Negotiate some basic rules when you go out with the kid, like how far he can go by himself, where you will wait for him and where you will meet again, but then let go. Watch from distance how he plays and where he goes.
• Do not intervene at every quarrel he has with the friends at the park. Trust him that he will handle it by himself. But make sure he is aware that he can always get your help if he asks for it.
• Kids know when they are hungry and thirsty. There is no need for you asking them all the time. Have special time for the meal, but before and after that they don’t really need to eat.
• Let the kids enjoy nature by walking barefoot on the beach, in the sea, through grass… Let them be outside when it rains. They are not so fragile. And if you protect them all the time, they will sure get cold when you least expect it.
• Let them get dirty. Clothes and hands can get washed, but the kids watching others from distance and being afraid to mess the clothes can get really miserable.

When you let your kid do things by himself, he will be more eager to learn more. He will gain confidence and will be more likely to try new things. He will learn to listen to his own voice and to judge the situation better, because he will have some previous experience. He will be more open to other people, but still careful and prudent.
And what is important as well, you will learn to trust your kid. You will be calmer and more peaceful, knowing that he can take care of himself and be responsible.