This month my dear daughter surprised me with her decision: »Mom, I will be a vegetarian.« Wow… this is something you don’t really want to hear, especially if your daughter has trainings every day for few hours and everyone believes that she needs meat (and I must say here that we don’t eat a lot of meat, but still…).

It was the same day that I saw an article on my Facebook wall describing the traps, teenagers fall in, when deciding to go vegetarian. According to this article, more teenage »vegetarian« girls suffer from eating disorders and health problems, related to food than the »normal« group. It could be the first step to eliminating other foods as well. You can read the whole article HERE.

Actually no one was happy about it. Her swimming coach asked us about our food preferences, in school they noticed she’s not eating everything as she did before… And I really started to worry.


But it also happens that at the time I was reading a great inspirational book by Sean Stephenson »Get off Your But..«. He has a rare genetic disease, that caused his bones to be incredibly brittle. At one occasion, when he broke his femur again, feeling sorry and discouraged, his mom asked him: Is this going to be a gift or a burden?

What better question to ask yourself? Am I going to allow myself to worry and be against just because… or are we going to make something good out of it?

So I gave my daughter a homework: »OK, you can be a vegetarian, if you provide me with information, how you are going to get all the essential nutrients.« She googled, borrowed a book from the library and really studied, and she came with a list of things she needed to eat. And I must admit those are the foods that we need as well, being the vegetarian or not.

My whole family is eating better now and we are making healthier choices for our meals. It turned out to be a blessing, Even though we still have a lot to learn, it’s a great start to watch our diet and become more conscious about the food we are putting into our bodies.

Every time, something »negative« happens in your family, ask yourself:

• Is this going to be a gift or a burden?
• Is there anything in your life, in your family, which you don’t like?
• Maybe you adopted a habit that you don’t like?
• Or maybe you wanted to change something for some time?
• Make a decision and create a situation that can be a turning point to ask yourself: Is this going to be a gift or a burden?

Many kids start new school year at September 1st. A lot of them are waiting anxiously to meet their friends, but many are afraid to go to school. Maybe they are starting at the new school or they just don’t like their school and their “friends”. They might be bullied or ridiculed by their schoolmates.

What can you as a parent do about it? How can you help?

1. Listen to your child! If he or she complains about school, try to figure our what is really going on. Is he nervous about meeting new friends, maybe new teachers or is it something more serious? Does he have problems with the learning and thinks that he can’t cope with new stuff? Is he lonely and has no friends?
2. Attitude is everything! Let him think of different ways to see the situation. What good can it come our for him? How can the situation be viewed from different angles and different points of view. Think about many different ways. Try with many questions, especially that start with What if… For example if he is afraid of new teachers, try with questions like ‘what if you already knew this teacher?’ ‘What if the teacher was your friend?’ ‘What if this teacher likes you best?’ and so on. Think of as many different questions as possible.
3. Encourage your kid to come up with the solution! Now when you see the problem through different angles, what could he do about it? What steps can your kid make to come out of the situation as the winner? Let him think of different ways to cope with the problem. Help him find more ways to deal with it. There are always many solutions to one problem. It is important that he finds our his preferable actions, that he is most comfortable with. Of course you want to intervene if he comes with something negative or damaging.
4. Stand by Your child! Whatever he decides to do, encourage him to follow through. Help him with the action steps and encourage his willingness to improve the situation. Maybe some actions requires your cooperation or that you do something for him. Be there for him, but don’t do everything for him. Be part of the solution not its main part:)

Some kids are open and can make new friends quite easily where ever they go. And some are just nothing like that. They stick to their mothers and won’t move away for an inch. Their mothers usually say: “It is such a shy kid.” But in reality only part of this can be attributed to their nature. It’s also the result of their upbringing and circumstances.

Now at the beginning of new school year or going to the kindergarten for the first time, it can be quite challenging for some kids to be comfortable with new people.

Here are few tips how you can help your child to make new friends:

1. Examine your own thoughts, words and actions!

However strange it may sound, it all starts with you. How do you behave with strangers? What are you saying abut other people? How do you describe other kids? Are they adorable little creatures or those awful dirty screaming punks?

When you relate to others with negative words and even frightening your child, he will certainly feel insecure around new people. If they will be nice to him, he might even feel that he is betraying you if he is to return the kindness.

If you act reserved and going away from other people it’s great probability that your kid will act the same way.

2. Take it slow

Sometimes the kids are naturally shy and need some more time, even if you are very outspoken and open. In this case, keep your positive attitude, as it can help a lot. Approach other kids and communicate with them, making sure your kid see that it’s safe and that it’s ok to talk and play with them.

Encourage interactions with other people but don’t push your kid to make friends. He might need some more time. Allow him enough time and space to get comfortable with others. Maybe you can invite some families over your house for some ice-cream or lemonade. It will be much easier for your kid dealing with strangers in  familiar environment.

3. Keep it safe!

Even though most people are nice and friendly, there are some who are not. Let your kid know about dangers and how to react when faced with them. It is important not to scare or even threaten your kid. Explain differnet, possibly hazardous situations in simple and neutral terms.

How do you help your child when meeting new people and making new friends? Please share your thoughts and comme

When we have our own kids, we want them to raise into responsible, accountable human beings, but very often parents limit the children’ power to express themselves and to take charge. We tell them what to do and how to do it. Some parents might argue that we are trying to protect them from the dangers of the world, but by doing so we are taking away their control and self-esteem. Parents need to learn to give the kids responsibility for their lives.

Here are few ways how you can do it from early years on.

When the kids are really small they depend on you and your care. But as soon as they can do something by their own, let them do it. Encourage their trying and efforts. Just like we are enthusiastic about walking, speaking and riding a bike, teach them other smaller tasks like dressing up, eating, putting away toys etc. with the same enthusiasm.

With older kids give them more responsibilities. Send them to the groceries by themselves. Trust them with money. Let them do the laundry. They can prepare some food. There are millions of things that kids can do if given a chance.

Of course at first they need some time to learn, but with some trying and encouragement they will get better and better. What is really important is that they learn to trust themselves, to never stop trying. They should learn not to be afraid of failing. And they should believe that they have your support even if they fail or do a mistake.

When your kids are getting even older, you can ask them about their opinions. Include them in family planning. Let them decide about things that are important to them, of course within the family limits. At some point my daughter decided to wear two different socks. And as silly as it looked to me, I let her do it. She felt understood and her decision appreciated and that is much more important than looking “right”. What you should learn is to respect their decisions even of you think they are silly or stupid. Intervene only if it is threatening to their or others lives.

By giving kids opportunities to do things by themselves they will learn important lessons of self-respect, being responsible and trust-worthy. By going from the young ages with little steps, increasing the tasks and responsibilities, you will also learn to trust your kid that he will more likely reach the right decision when necessary. You can’t expect from your kid, that you are always telling him what to do, to become responsible over night. It is a learning process for both parents and kids and it is much easier when it is performed gradually and over time.

I’m sure your immediate answer would be: “Of course, I do.” But do you really? Or do you believe in him only at certain occasions, whenever it is appropriate. Do you trust that he will do something that he’s never done before? Or that he is capable of doing something you think he is too young to do? Or that he can judge the situation by himself?

Whether you have small child or a teenager, there are always some tasks that you may find unsuitable or dangerous for the child.

I had a conversation with a friend the other day about children’s help in the kitchen.

I let my children help in the kitchen and cook the meals, even if I had to throw away some ingredients or even if we sometimes ate overcooked spaghetti or too salty salad. I trusted them with the knives at quite early age. They started with the salads and progressed to cooking and baking. Now when I am not at home they are totally capable of preparing the meal for the whole family. I am not afraid that they will cut themselves or that they will burn the house. Of course we had some accidents, but, hey, that’s life.

But on the other hand, my friend said that her daughter would really love to help, but she doesn’t have the time to wait for her, because the girl is too slow. By the time the poor kid does something, my friend gets the whole meal ready.

And this whole conversation makes me think, how we sometimes sabbotage our children with our own limiting beliefs. We do the things instead of them, because they are too small, too slow, too weak… We prepare their clothes for next day, we pack their bags, we cut their meat, we serve them food, we drove them to school, we study with them…

Believe and act as if it were impossible to fail. Charles F. Kettering

But actually we are doing it because we don’t have time, patience or positive beliefs in our children. We often think, that they would not do it themselves as good as we do. Oh, and sometimes it is too dangerous. I know, sometimes really is, but often times we are just protecting ourselves from more work and worries.

What are you doing yourself that you are limiting your child? Is it really helping your child? What message are you delivering to your child? Is it that he is not capable, competent, nor trustworthy? Or do you believe in him and give him a chance to prove it? Think about it!

Aunt Marta

We were really busy this weekend, visiting relatives at the other side of the country. They have a little farm with pigs, sheep, hens, geese and little wineyard and a field full of corn.

We were actually invited to help with the vintage. But as we arrived the family and neighbours were hulling the corn. And gladly we joined the happy party. The older were telling stories from the past, explaining the games they played, then we all sang and laughed and the work was really fun.

Next day at the vintage my daughters were the youngest. But I let them work as we all did. We were cutting off the grapes, filling our buckets and transporting them to the press. And Anja and Tina helped all the way. Yes, they were much slower, but we had so much fun. They were very enthusiastic about the work and were asking questions, wondering how it’s made, and what next, and what about this and that… every step to the wine.

I was quite proud that they worked that well. And then think about it – do we make our work at home as fun as it is supposed to be? Do we allow our children to do the “grown-up” work? Do we let them work with the “dangerous” tools such as scissors and knifes?

What about cooperation among relatives and neighbours? Do our children sees it at home? At the county side they appreciate every help they can get. But we, in the cities, are closed in our flats or houses doing the chores alone, so no-one could see our dirt, unfinished businesses… Why don’t we invite our friends to do the lawn mowing together? Or vacuum-cleaning? I know, it’s silly, but nevertheless, why don’t we use our friends to help us even with the smaller tasks and have fun along the way? And party after that?