When I stepped into my daughter’s room all that I saw were papers on the floor, books scattered on the desk, bed unmade, crayons all around…

Luckily before I started to scream and yell at her I stopped and think. She knows that her room is her responsibility and even though I would love to have it clean and tidy, I decided not to intervene.

I rather though about other things she does around the house. That she just helped me with the dinner. And the day before she cleaned the windows in the living room. She cares really well for her bunnies.

When shifting my focus I was easily ignoring the mess in her room. It felt so much better to see positive things she does. Especially when I commented on her good work, she just lit up. So what do you think her room will be like in the future?

It could have been so easy to just yell. To pick on her for all the other things going on in my life.

Think about it! What kind of behavior are you focusing on? Do you see the positive or you are just looking for the negative? Do you see what someone did for you or do you see what he could do and didn’t? Or what you expected to be done and nobody read your mind? It is our choice. We choose which side we turn to. But the positive is always better. You just have to make the right decision.

To start, look around and see what you have. Notice the things that others have done, not just for you but for the family. Appreciate little things. Think about little steps you took. And finally identify the things that are all around us, but we all take them for granted. Feel the gratitude and raise your positive vibrations.

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When we have our own kids, we want them to raise into responsible, accountable human beings, but very often parents limit the children’ power to express themselves and to take charge. We tell them what to do and how to do it. Some parents might argue that we are trying to protect them from the dangers of the world, but by doing so we are taking away their control and self-esteem. Parents need to learn to give the kids responsibility for their lives.

Here are few ways how you can do it from early years on.

When the kids are really small they depend on you and your care. But as soon as they can do something by their own, let them do it. Encourage their trying and efforts. Just like we are enthusiastic about walking, speaking and riding a bike, teach them other smaller tasks like dressing up, eating, putting away toys etc. with the same enthusiasm.

With older kids give them more responsibilities. Send them to the groceries by themselves. Trust them with money. Let them do the laundry. They can prepare some food. There are millions of things that kids can do if given a chance.

Of course at first they need some time to learn, but with some trying and encouragement they will get better and better. What is really important is that they learn to trust themselves, to never stop trying. They should learn not to be afraid of failing. And they should believe that they have your support even if they fail or do a mistake.

When your kids are getting even older, you can ask them about their opinions. Include them in family planning. Let them decide about things that are important to them, of course within the family limits. At some point my daughter decided to wear two different socks. And as silly as it looked to me, I let her do it. She felt understood and her decision appreciated and that is much more important than looking “right”. What you should learn is to respect their decisions even of you think they are silly or stupid. Intervene only if it is threatening to their or others lives.

By giving kids opportunities to do things by themselves they will learn important lessons of self-respect, being responsible and trust-worthy. By going from the young ages with little steps, increasing the tasks and responsibilities, you will also learn to trust your kid that he will more likely reach the right decision when necessary. You can’t expect from your kid, that you are always telling him what to do, to become responsible over night. It is a learning process for both parents and kids and it is much easier when it is performed gradually and over time.