The BEST Children Lessons

Posts Tagged ‘cooperation’

When I asked my girls to do some simple stuff around the house, they immediately started complaining: You are giving us so much to do; it’s so difficult; it will take us whole afternoon; we are having school holidays and you are making us work and so on and so on…. You know how that goes?

Annoyed with their complaining I asked: “Those are really simple tasks like taking the trash our, how long do you think it will take you to do them?”

And of course they answered: “It’s so much work! We will do these for the whole afternoon”.

I said: “OK, let’s see.”

Then I prepared a table with tasks and left some space for notes. When they start performing those little tasks, I measured time and as you might imagine they did everything in 15 minutes. But it was fun and because of that it was not so difficult to do.

So, next time you want something from your kids, make it a challenge:

1. Measure how much time something will take them to do
2. Make a competition – who will be first to finish the tasks
3. Let them guess how much time will they need for the task and see how close they got
4. Set a time goal and see if they can perform within the specified time frame

Just like the kids learn through play and the play is their job, it will be so much easier if you make their “job” a play. Let them do something at their own pace and even their own way. As long as it is done what do you care how it is done.

Many kids start new school year at September 1st. A lot of them are waiting anxiously to meet their friends, but many are afraid to go to school. Maybe they are starting at the new school or they just don’t like their school and their “friends”. They might be bullied or ridiculed by their schoolmates.

What can you as a parent do about it? How can you help?
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When we have our own kids, we want them to raise into responsible, accountable human beings, but very often parents limit the children’ power to express themselves and to take charge. We tell them what to do and how to do it. Some parents might argue that we are trying to protect them from the dangers of the world, but by doing so we are taking away their control and self-esteem. Parents need to learn to give the kids responsibility for their lives.

Here are few ways how you can do it from early years on.

When the kids are really small they depend on you and your care. But as soon as they can do something by their own, let them do it. Encourage their trying and efforts. Just like we are enthusiastic about walking, speaking and riding a bike, teach them other smaller tasks like dressing up, eating, putting away toys etc. with the same enthusiasm.
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“Have great hopes and dare to go all out for them. Have great dreams and dare to live them. Have tremendous expectations and believe in them.”

Norman Vincent Peale

Do you remember your younger days, when you can be a teacher one day, the next day a policeman and then an astronaut another day? You could live in the jungle or at the sea bottom. And your imagination was vivid and limitless…

Did you imagine back then your own life in 10, 20 or even more years? Do you live now what you dreamed when you were a kid? If not, do you wish you would? I read it somewhere that close to 70% of the people are not satisfied at their jobs. I am sure that a large number of them wish they would follow their childhood dreams instead that of others.

But first of all one must know what he or she wants. How could he otherwise follow his dreams if he doesn’t know what they are?

What can you as a parent do to help your children find what they really want? How can you help them discover their dreams?

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I always tell my daughters to go for their dreams, to reach for the impossible and to always try the unknown.

This last one is especially true for the food. I am really proud that they eat everything – they love vegetables, fruits, even fish and mussels. I met many parents and they were complaining how their children are picky. And then when we discussed it, it turns out that they were picky too. How could they expect from children to eat everything when they are not?

I guess I was lucky because my father was always bringing recipes home from his business trips and my mother was a great cook, so we ate all kind of things. And that’s why I love trying new tastes and foreign cuisines. And so are my daughters. 

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“As a kid growing up in the back streets of Dublin I used to pretend I was playing in the World Cup with my mates out on the streets, and now I will be doing it for real.” Robbie Keane

You know me, I’m always looking for ways and opportunities to teach my children some valuable life lessons. These lessons are sometimes big and sometimes small, but they all add up to children’s lives.

And one of the games we play lately is Family Diner. I call it a “reality” game. Let me explain.

We were watching “Hell’s Kitchen” regularly and the kids loved it. I tried to ignore all of the cursing and bad words, but they knew them already:) We discussed the competition and cooperation of the contestants, how they fit together, what was their attitude and motivation.

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1. Don’t spoil me. I know quite well that I ought not to have all I ask for. I’m only testing you.

2. Don’t be afraid to be firm with me. I prefer it, it makes me feel secure.

3. Don’t let me form bad habits. I have to rely on you to detect them in the early stages.

4. Don’t make me feel smaller than I am. It only makes me behave stupidly “big”.

5. Don’t correct me in front of people if you can help it. It’ll take much more notice if you talk quietly with me in private.

6. Don’t make me feel that my mistakes are sins. It upsets my sense of values.

7. Don’t protect me from consequences. I need to learn the painful way sometimes.

8. Don’t be too upset when I say “I hate you”. Sometimes it isn’t you I hate but your power to thwart me.

9. Don’t take too much notice of my small ailments. Sometimes they get me the attention I need.

10. Don’t nag. If you do, I shall have to protect myself by appearing deaf.

11. Don’t forget that I cannot explain myself as well as I should like. That is why I am not always accurate.

12. Don’t put me off when I ask questions. If you do, you will find that I stop asking and seek my information elsewhere.

13. Don’t be inconsistent. That completely confuses and makes me lose faith in you.

14. Don’t tell me my fears are silly. They are terribly real and you can do much to reassure me if you try to understand.

15. Don’t ever suggest that you are perfect or infallible. It gives me too great a shock when I discover that you are neither.

16. Don’t ever think that it is beneath your dignity to apologize to me. An honest apology makes me feel surprisingly warm towards you.

17. Don’t forget I love experimenting. I couldn’t get along without it, so please put up with it.

18. Don’t forget how quickly I’m growing up. It must be very difficult for you to keep pace with me, but please do try.

19. Don’t forget that I don’t thrive without lots of love and understanding but I don’t need to tell, do I?

20. Please keep yourself fit and healthy, I need you.

Aunt Marta

We were really busy this weekend, visiting relatives at the other side of the country. They have a little farm with pigs, sheep, hens, geese and little wineyard and a field full of corn.

We were actually invited to help with the vintage. But as we arrived the family and neighbours were hulling the corn. And gladly we joined the happy party. The older were telling stories from the past, explaining the games they played, then we all sang and laughed and the work was really fun.

Next day at the vintage my daughters were the youngest. But I let them work as we all did. We were cutting off the grapes, filling our buckets and transporting them to the press. And Anja and Tina helped all the way. Yes, they were much slower, but we had so much fun. They were very enthusiastic about the work and were asking questions, wondering how it’s made, and what next, and what about this and that… every step to the wine.

I was quite proud that they worked that well. And then think about it – do we make our work at home as fun as it is supposed to be? Do we allow our children to do the “grown-up” work? Do we let them work with the “dangerous” tools such as scissors and knifes?

What about cooperation among relatives and neighbours? Do our children sees it at home? At the county side they appreciate every help they can get. But we, in the cities, are closed in our flats or houses doing the chores alone, so no-one could see our dirt, unfinished businesses… Why don’t we invite our friends to do the lawn mowing together? Or vacuum-cleaning? I know, it’s silly, but nevertheless, why don’t we use our friends to help us even with the smaller tasks and have fun along the way? And party after that?