No matter how much I love Christmas spirit, decorating, baking and Christmas songs, I HATE shopping. I just hate all this nervousness, craziness and over-spending. I see distressed parents trying to buy as much as possible from their kids’ wish list or even more. Or something different as long as it looks BIG. And at the end they are all in a bad mood when it’s time for paying it, not to mention days or month later, when the credit card bill is due.

It doesn’t have to be that way!

I still remember my younger days when we got something we really needed – new wardrobe, new shoes, maybe set of skis, skates… But today our kids have almost everything they need. We are usually not saving to get them what they want for that special occasions, we buy them stuff at the very same moment they express the need (or we see it). Just because we can. Of course there is always something new they want, and often times if we feel they don’t really need it, it ends in the letter to Santa.

But ask yourself – why in the world would we want to get them this item if we think they don’t need it?

• we want to show them how much we love them
• we want to show our kids that we would do anything for them
• we want to show them we can afford it (even if in reality we can’t, we just want to look good in our children’s eyes)
• we want to feel appreciated
• we want something in return (I appreciated your wishes, now it’s time for you to do the same)
• and so on and on…

Everything for the wrong reasons, wouldn’t you agree?

So instead of getting nervous and anxious, show your love and appreciation in inexpensive, but more valuable ways. We don’t need to break the bank or loose our sanity. Here are some ideas what you can do instead:

Devote some extra special time to be with your child. Go for a walk, go skating, play board games, read the book, compete in computer games… Create coupons and give them to child so he can use them whenever he feels.

Give gifts that connect your child with family and/or friends. Buy him tickets to the cinema, admissions to amusement parks or museums, organize him a party….

Listen and understand what your child really wants. If it’s a new toy, that he wants just because everyone else is having, maybe he needs more appreciation, higher self-esteem… so be careful about his Why? and choose the activities that support that.

Look for ways where you can give a little but your child gets a lot. This can include a charity work or donation, creating gifts for others, delivering secret notes… For example we bought a really big bone for our dog and girls just can’t wait to see the dog’s reaction to the gift. The excitement about giving and anticipation is more important than expensive toy that will soon end up forgotten in their rooms.

Promote spirit of Christmas instead focusing on the gifts. I know every child is excited to get his gift under the tree, but Christmas is so much more. It’s the atmosphere, the cards, the ornaments, baking and cooking… all these can be done with your kids and I’m sure they will remember these more than anything.

What are your ideas of spending the holiday season in inexpensive but meaningful ways? Please share below.

Related articles

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Can you imagine what they are? No, I don’t mean cursing or calling him names. Those words that I have in mind are actually really polite, can be even nice and well-meaning, but they are deadly.

They will not kill your child, of course, but they will kill his ambition, his dreams and his motivation. And those are the things that we as a parents need to empower. What would happen to your child, when he grows up and find himself in the life with no future, no motivation, no inspiration and nothing to look after? He might just be dead as well.

And what are those 3 words?

You must

Whenever we say to our child “You must do something.” or “You must be something.” , we are giving him orders. We approach him from our authority perspective, giving him no choice whatsoever. When we say “You must…” the child understands it as “You better do this or…”.

There is always an alternative. We can ask a child to do something. We can suggest. We can explain, why we need something to be done.

You should

It’s similar to “You must…” It sounds a bit nicer, but still there are threats and expectations hidden behind those words. Again, the child understands it “It really doesn’t matter what you do, but you better do it my way. I am smarter here and I know what’s best for you.”

Why don’t you go through the option your child have together? You can discuss all the pros and cons and he can decide what’s better alternative.

You can’t

This one is the most vicious killer of dreams of them all. When we say those words, we are saying to our child, he is not good enough, not smart enough, not valuable enough. And often times that others are more important than he is. Because we don’t say “You can’t” just like that. Many times we think about our environment, our friends and relatives, or even worse, about the strangers, that might see our child doing something, we think he shouldn’t.

But guess what! All the great inventors, great adventurers, great men and women of our world… they all did, what they shouldn’t and what others said they can’t.

Give your child a wings, keep his dreams alive and avoid those 3 deadly words.

 Make it a New Year Resolution to eliminate those words from your vocabulary.

Need help? Check out Raising Sparkling Kids© program!

I would love to hear your thoughts. Post your comments below!

Related articles

• Love Daily: Words that heal, words that harm, Nov. 26, 2010 (ritawatson.com)
• 10 Most Important Things I Learned When Dealing with Children (gomestic.com)
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• Child’s Play (greatergood.berkeley.edu)

Today is a holiday in Slovenia – All Saints Day and family and friends get together to remember friends and family members who have died. We went to the cemetery to light some candles for our ancestors and friends. And walking past the graves Tina said: “Mummy, when you die, I will build the largest and most beautiful monument on your grave.”

But I don’t want others to remember me because of the biggest tombstone, I want to be remembered by the things I did and by the moments we share when I am alive.

Think about this - how would you like to be remembered? What things would you tell your children and family if today was your last day? Where would you take them? What would you show them? What would you do?

I admit I don’t like this holiday, I don’t like going to the cemeteries, but it’s a great reminder that our lives will pass too and that it’s every alive moment that really counts.

Now, why don’t you tell your loved ones how much you love them and how much you care, how proud you are and how happy to be with them?

Related articles

• Thoughts for All Saints Day (pastorbobcornwall.blogspot.com)
• Light a Candle!(ponderingpastor.blogspot.com)
• “Happy Halloween, All Saints, All Souls, and DÃa de los Muertos” and related posts (with-heart-and-hands.blogspot.com)

* the name Zdravko means someone who heals:) (and Medved means the bear)

Few months ago, new teddy bear stepped into our homes. While working with EFT and the Medved Zdravko non-profit organization, it was time to get our own Tappy Bears. The kids love them and even I like to cuddle one. And because I promised Tina to make a “real” interview with her about our new toy, here it is (unedited and as it happened):

Alenka: Tina, tell us a litle bit about yourself.
Tina: I am 10 years old and I love nature and animals. I attend 5th class. I also have one sister and two bunnies.
Alenka: You are here today with me, because I know you have a very special toy, named Tappy Bear. How did you hear about it?
Tina: My mum told me about it. It helps children if they are scared or hurt.
Alenka: How did you get it?
Tina: When I saw the photos on internet and learnt how he is helping kids, I immediatelly loved it. Me and mum went to Sabina and I chose one. When we brought him home, my sister wanted to have one too.
Alenka: Why do you like him?
Tina: It’s so soft and cuddly. I even sleep with him.
Alenka: How does he help you?
Tina: He helps me, if I am hurt or if I’m scared. I can tap in the morning if we have test in the school. Because he has dots, I can always remember where to tap.
Alenka: And what do you know about tapping?
Tina: I know that you tap on this points with your fingers and you tell the Tappy where it hurts or why you are sad. You tap on those points, because there is energy and it goes around your body, and if it is blocked, then you are sick.
Alenka: Can you tell us an example?
Tina: He helped me when I was sad when I accidentally tore my sister’s poster. I was scared that she will be mad at me. So I said:”Even tho I tore the poster, I am still a good girl and my sister loves me.”
Alenka: How would you tell other kids about the Tappy Bear?
Tina: He is your friend and when you tap on those points, and tell him what’s wrong, he helps you to get better.
Alenka: Great, and for the end? You want to add anything else?
Tina: I think every child should have Zdravko. He helps and you can trust him with all your secrets and worries.

I know this is not something of extreme  literal value, but we had so much fun. Tina was so proud to be interviewed to be published; she took photo shooting with the bear and she is constantly asking, when will I publish this. Anja took the pictures and edited them. Take a look:

So, even if it looks to us adults that it’s nothing much, it means a lot to a child. They need to be appreciated and acknowledged, so when you listen to them and really make an effort to hear them, you are definitely raising their self-esteem.

Try it and post your experiences below!

Want to learn more about Tappy Bear? Go to www.tappybear.com

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Few weeks ago (oh, my, how time flies) I was writing how our attitudes and our expectations form our lives. And few days ago it proved right once again. I was at the parents‘ meeting in school. Tina’s class is going to spend a week at the seaside, swimming and learning at the beach. The kids are so excited and can’t wait to go. And parents are excited as well, but unfortunately many of them in the negative way.

 So after the teacher explained what they will be doing and how will they spend their days and nights (yes, they will be sleeping there) a whole lot of questions arise. Mostly really frustrating and worrying. What if something happens? How is the food (you know… my girl is really picky)? What if my boy wakes up in the middle of the night, how will he find the teacher? And the biggest issue was should the kids take with them their cell phones to call parents. We agreed some time ago on another parents’ meeting that we are not giving the phones to kids. But as usual there are always parents who break the agreements because their kids really need to call his or her mum whenever he or she wants. Really? Or are the mothers who need to hear the kids to feel important? Secure? Alive?

 It is quite normal to worry about your kid well-being. But what is too much is just too much. I am absolutely sure that the teacher is perfectly capable of handling different situations. They would call parents as soon as something went wrong. And this is not their first trip ever. They are doing it every year. It is not something new, unknown, going alone or with strangers. Anja, my older daughter is in this school eighth year and I don’t remember anything bad ever happened.

What message do you think these parents are giving to their child? Here are just a few possible answers: You can’t do it without me. You should be miserable without me around. You will (should) miss me. You will feel lousy. It will be frustrating. Teachers are not capable of handling the situations. Don’t listen to the teacher, call me instead. I am the only one that can give you support/help/solution.

Even though these parents think that this is how they should show their care, they are robbing their children the beautiful experience of fabulous adventure. They are taking away from kids their opportunities and limiting their learning. And instead that the kids have fun and enjoy they worry what the parents will think and feel.

Here are few action steps for you:

• Recall different situations where your kid was suppose to do/be/go without you
• Review your conduct of behavior (think about your words, actions, feelings..)
• Are there any traces of negative feelings or actions? If so, think about your deeper feelings and motivation behind your actions.
• Create an empowering story! Imagine how you could do things differently. What would be ideal situation?

Related articles

• How to Motivate Your Child to Do The Very Best in School (socyberty.com)
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I was lying the other day on the beach and there were many families with kids around me. As usual I was observing how the parents treat children and how the kids behave.

What really bothered me that day was that some parents were treating their kids as they were little babies even when they were already 4, 6 or even more years old.

Are you doing the same mistake? Do you always stand behind your kid and follow each step? Are you yelling: “Dress up, you will catch cold?” or “Don’t go there, you will fall!” or even “You already ate one ice-cream today, you might get ill if you eat more!”. And then there were parents who were dressing and undressing the kids. Running after them with sandwiches. Going with them to the ice-cream parlor just few steps away. Or have them wear shoes all the time.

By over-protecting your kid you are doing great damage to his self-esteem and his self-worth. You are taking away his power to do the things his way and to learn by doing. And you are depriving him of some great experiences.

Here are some tips you might consider doing:

• Even small kids can quickly learn to dress and undress, so let them do it by themselves. There is no need that you control them or even do it for them. So what if not everything is just perfect. The kids don’t mind and they can play as well with two different socks.
• Let your kid do errands – kids are eager to learn things that adults are doing. Let them do basic chores (like making beds, doing the laundry, getting out garbage, even some cooking and cleaning). It will take time at first, but you can be sure, they will learn soon enough. Not only will they feel empowered, you’ll have less work to do
• Give them some tools. Except when the stuff is too heavy or dangerous, when you should protect your child, let them bang and saw just like his daddy. The final product is not as much important as the feeling of creation. And when you actually produce something together they will be so proud.
• Send your kid to buy something. Do it with caution, but let him go to the store, pick up things and pay for them. Start with small list, ice-cream or donut , and wait for the kid in front of the store.
• Negotiate some basic rules when you go out with the kid, like how far he can go by himself, where you will wait for him and where you will meet again, but then let go. Watch from distance how he plays and where he goes.
• Do not intervene at every quarrel he has with the friends at the park. Trust him that he will handle it by himself. But make sure he is aware that he can always get your help if he asks for it.
• Kids know when they are hungry and thirsty. There is no need for you asking them all the time. Have special time for the meal, but before and after that they don’t really need to eat.
• Let the kids enjoy nature by walking barefoot on the beach, in the sea, through grass… Let them be outside when it rains. They are not so fragile. And if you protect them all the time, they will sure get cold when you least expect it.
• Let them get dirty. Clothes and hands can get washed, but the kids watching others from distance and being afraid to mess the clothes can get really miserable.

When you let your kid do things by himself, he will be more eager to learn more. He will gain confidence and will be more likely to try new things. He will learn to listen to his own voice and to judge the situation better, because he will have some previous experience. He will be more open to other people, but still careful and prudent.
And what is important as well, you will learn to trust your kid. You will be calmer and more peaceful, knowing that he can take care of himself and be responsible.