Are you already counting days until Christmas? All gifts bought and wrapped? If not, don’t worry. There is still time, especially if you were planning taking it slow. But even if you haven’t, take it easy. 

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Can you imagine what they are? No, I don’t mean cursing or calling him names. Those words that I have in mind are actually really polite, can be even nice and well-meaning, but they are deadly.

They will not kill your child, of course, but they will kill his ambition, his dreams and his motivation. And those are the things that we as a parents need to empower. What would happen to your child, when he grows up and find himself in the life with no future, no motivation, no inspiration and nothing to look after? He might just be dead as well.

And what are those 3 words?

You must

Whenever we say to our child “You must do something.” or “You must be something.” , we are giving him orders. We approach him from our authority perspective, giving him no choice whatsoever. When we say “You must…” the child understands it as “You better do this or…”.

There is always an alternative. We can ask a child to do something. We can suggest. We can explain, why we need something to be done.

You should

It’s similar to “You must…” It sounds a bit nicer, but still there are threats and expectations hidden behind those words. Again, the child understands it “It really doesn’t matter what you do, but you better do it my way. I am smarter here and I know what’s best for you.”

Why don’t you go through the option your child have together? You can discuss all the pros and cons and he can decide what’s better alternative.

You can’t

This one is the most vicious killer of dreams of them all. When we say those words, we are saying to our child, he is not good enough, not smart enough, not valuable enough. And often times that others are more important than he is. Because we don’t say “You can’t” just like that. Many times we think about our environment, our friends and relatives, or even worse, about the strangers, that might see our child doing something, we think he shouldn’t.

But guess what! All the great inventors, great adventurers, great men and women of our world… they all did, what they shouldn’t and what others said they can’t.

Give your child a wings, keep his dreams alive and avoid those 3 deadly words.

 Make it a New Year Resolution to eliminate those words from your vocabulary.

Need help? Check out Raising Sparkling Kids© program!

I would love to hear your thoughts. Post your comments below!

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* the name Zdravko means someone who heals:) (and Medved means the bear)

Few months ago, new teddy bear stepped into our homes. While working with EFT and the Medved Zdravko non-profit organization, it was time to get our own Tappy Bears. The kids love them and even I like to cuddle one. And because I promised Tina to make a “real” interview with her about our new toy, here it is (unedited and as it happened):

Alenka: Tina, tell us a litle bit about yourself.
Tina: I am 10 years old and I love nature and animals. I attend 5th class. I also have one sister and two bunnies.
Alenka: You are here today with me, because I know you have a very special toy, named Tappy Bear. How did you hear about it?
Tina: My mum told me about it. It helps children if they are scared or hurt.
Alenka: How did you get it?
Tina: When I saw the photos on internet and learnt how he is helping kids, I immediatelly loved it. Me and mum went to Sabina and I chose one. When we brought him home, my sister wanted to have one too.
Alenka: Why do you like him?
Tina: It’s so soft and cuddly. I even sleep with him.
Alenka: How does he help you?
Tina: He helps me, if I am hurt or if I’m scared. I can tap in the morning if we have test in the school. Because he has dots, I can always remember where to tap.
Alenka: And what do you know about tapping?
Tina: I know that you tap on this points with your fingers and you tell the Tappy where it hurts or why you are sad. You tap on those points, because there is energy and it goes around your body, and if it is blocked, then you are sick.
Alenka: Can you tell us an example?
Tina: He helped me when I was sad when I accidentally tore my sister’s poster. I was scared that she will be mad at me. So I said:”Even tho I tore the poster, I am still a good girl and my sister loves me.”
Alenka: How would you tell other kids about the Tappy Bear?
Tina: He is your friend and when you tap on those points, and tell him what’s wrong, he helps you to get better.
Alenka: Great, and for the end? You want to add anything else?
Tina: I think every child should have Zdravko. He helps and you can trust him with all your secrets and worries.

I know this is not something of extreme  literal value, but we had so much fun. Tina was so proud to be interviewed to be published; she took photo shooting with the bear and she is constantly asking, when will I publish this. Anja took the pictures and edited them. Take a look:

So, even if it looks to us adults that it’s nothing much, it means a lot to a child. They need to be appreciated and acknowledged, so when you listen to them and really make an effort to hear them, you are definitely raising their self-esteem.

Try it and post your experiences below!

Want to learn more about Tappy Bear? Go to www.tappybear.com

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What are the most important lessons that our kids teach us?

I am sure we all can say that our lives changed with the kids. And not only that, I am sure that in many areas it changed for the better. I know there can be some troubles as well, but I hope those are rare in your life.

Here are 3 most important lessons I learned from my kids:

Time is NOT money.
They appreciate your time and your involvement much more than your money. You cannot trade your time with the money. And you cannot buy your time with the money. Or even buy someone else’s time. Of course the kids are asking for the things, they want everything they see and what others have, but they can easily live without. But at the end it’s your investment of time that is invaluable.

Live in the NOW.
Who cares for tomorrow, let’s play now. The kids don’t think of the past nor do they worry about their future. They need the attention and love at the present time. They only want to enjoy every minute, every second of the present and they want your attention at that time, not sometimes later. They don’t find excuses for not to play, the weather is always fine and the house is always clean enough.

Everything can wait, but us.
Kids grow every day and you don’t want to miss one single precious moment. All other things can wait – errands, meetings, phone calls, TV shows, investment opportunities… There might be lost at the time, but there might be another out there waiting for you. The kids will not wait, they will never be that young again.

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You know, someone he looks up to. Someone he admires his characteristics, his attitude and his (super) powers. It can be a person, fantasy creature, movie or cartoon character or even an animal.

What is important is that he finds something good and noteworthy in him/it and he wants to possess the same qualities.

Encourage your kid to find his own role model or several of them. Too often we, the parents put down the power of the role models. When we say things like ”Don’t be silly, don’t act like that, you are not a superman.” we are actually putting down all the positive sides of that role model.

Instead you should help your kids to find a positive role model. By emphasising positive qualities and encouraging thinking like a super hero we are giving our kids the power to think outside the box. When the kid personifies his role model, he is adopting the thinking and behaving of that superhero.

If your kid doesn’t have a role model, maybe you can encourage finding one to the specific situations. When facing a problem, ask your kid who might help him. What qualities would he need to find the solution? Who might be best help him with the problem? You can offer several ideas, giving your kid time to think from different angles. Superman might solve the problem differently than Ben10 or Lion the King. And when playing and stepping in their shoes he might find the right solution.

Teach your kid to ask for help imaginary creatures when he faces challenges. He might ask for help someone that he think could help him, like Einstein for mathematical problems. Teach him to approach the problem from different positions by using the power of different models.

Of  course you should monitor that behaviour do not become violent, negative or event destructive, but as long as the kid is pretending to be someone better, stronger and smarter, you should support his play.

You might check out the workbook “50 Law of Attraction Games for Children” to help you with the role playing and finding the qualities your kid admires.

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Many kids start new school year at September 1st. A lot of them are waiting anxiously to meet their friends, but many are afraid to go to school. Maybe they are starting at the new school or they just don’t like their school and their “friends”. They might be bullied or ridiculed by their schoolmates.

What can you as a parent do about it? How can you help?

1. Listen to your child! If he or she complains about school, try to figure our what is really going on. Is he nervous about meeting new friends, maybe new teachers or is it something more serious? Does he have problems with the learning and thinks that he can’t cope with new stuff? Is he lonely and has no friends?
2. Attitude is everything! Let him think of different ways to see the situation. What good can it come our for him? How can the situation be viewed from different angles and different points of view. Think about many different ways. Try with many questions, especially that start with What if… For example if he is afraid of new teachers, try with questions like ‘what if you already knew this teacher?’ ‘What if the teacher was your friend?’ ‘What if this teacher likes you best?’ and so on. Think of as many different questions as possible.
3. Encourage your kid to come up with the solution! Now when you see the problem through different angles, what could he do about it? What steps can your kid make to come out of the situation as the winner? Let him think of different ways to cope with the problem. Help him find more ways to deal with it. There are always many solutions to one problem. It is important that he finds our his preferable actions, that he is most comfortable with. Of course you want to intervene if he comes with something negative or damaging.
4. Stand by Your child! Whatever he decides to do, encourage him to follow through. Help him with the action steps and encourage his willingness to improve the situation. Maybe some actions requires your cooperation or that you do something for him. Be there for him, but don’t do everything for him. Be part of the solution not its main part:)

Remember how children could brag endlessly in front of their friends about what they have. It can be really annoying, but can you make a fun of it?

Get them list all the things they really have.

Help them see beyond material things (although they will probably start with them). Put on a list all their friends, things in their neighborhood and the environment (like fresh air, water, woods …). Don’t forget to mention their rights (like freedom, schooling…) and their feelings (towards themselves, other people and from others to them).

You can even make a competition, who can list more things.

Or go even further and find the pictures of everything listed to post somewhere as a reminder.

The game will show your kids that they already have lots of things that they can enjoy and be grateful for. They will also help them appreciate the NOW and to live in the moment.

Did you like the idea? Post your comments below!

Or check out other 49 ideas in the workbook “50 Law of Attaction Games for Children”.

“…When I get older I will be stronger
They’ll call me freedom, just like a wavin’ flag
So wave your flag, now wave your flag, now wave your flag…”
(Waving Flag by K’Naan)

If you watch the World Cup or not, you could not miss the anthem song, as it can be heard everywhere you go. 

If you were to compete or represent your family to the world, what colors would your flag be? What message would you want to give to your fans?

Find the pictures and words and put them on your flag to represent your family, your values and ideas, your mission and your wishes.

I would really love to see your flag! Post a picture or describe it in the comments below!

There are few hours in life more agreeable than the hour dedicated to the ceremony known as afternoon tea. Henry James

Ever since the late 1700’s, tea time has been an integral part of English life. When people from other countries imagine life in England, they almost always picture the English sitting down at a table set with delicate china, socializing over hot cups of tea and little cakes.

But lately it’s more often drunk on the run or in front of the computer screen.

Make an afternoon tea time a tradition in your family too. Get together at the specific time every day to have a cup of tea (or lemonade or whatever drink you choose) and some cookies, cakes, pastry or fruit . Enjoy each other’s company. Discuss the day’s events and your plans. Listen to each other. And turn off your phone or TV.

You will notice that after some time family members become more aware of each other, they develop deeper bond and they feel really connected. The kids get their chance to share their stories and they see that the parents are really there for them, listening and appreciating their feelings and concerns.

I am sure you can work around your schedules to find some time to do it every day, but even if you can’t, at least try it during the holidays.

And don’t forget how much fun it can be to bake the cookies or cake. Maybe the kids can prepare some on their own. Try recipes at Joy of Baking

The summer should be fun for everyone. Look around and see if it is not. There are lots of kids who are too shy, or pushed aside. Wouldn’t it be great to meet a new friend?

Look around your neighbourhood and invite someone new to play with you.

It doesn’t have to be perfect stranger, it could be someone from you school you never talked or played with before.

Or maybe a younger brother or sister of your friend, that you ignored so far. Think how great it felt when someone older played with you.

Invite your new friend to your house to have a lemonade or to enjoy the pool. Ask him (or her) to join your group of friends and to participate in your games. Listen to his story.

Remember it’s about being positive and paying it forward. You never know what jewel you might discover.