The BEST Children Lessons

Posts Tagged ‘attention’

Some kids are open and can make new friends quite easily where ever they go. And some are just nothing like that. They stick to their mothers and won’t move away for an inch. Their mothers usually say: “It is such a shy kid.” But in reality only part of this can be attributed to their nature. It’s also the result of their upbringing and circumstances.

Now at the beginning of new school year or going to the kindergarten for the first time, it can be quite challenging for some kids to be comfortable with new people.

Here are few tips how you can help your child to make new friends:

1. Examine your own thoughts, words and actions!

However strange it may sound, it all starts with you. How do you behave with strangers? What are you saying abut other people? How do you describe other kids? Are they adorable little creatures or those awful dirty screaming punks?

When you relate to others with negative words and even frightening your child, he will certainly feel insecure around new people. If they will be nice to him, he might even feel that he is betraying you if he is to return the kindness.

If you act reserved and going away from other people it’s great probability that your kid will act the same way.

2. Take it slow

Sometimes the kids are naturally shy and need some more time, even if you are very outspoken and open. In this case, keep your positive attitude, as it can help a lot. Approach other kids and communicate with them, making sure your kid see that it’s safe and that it’s ok to talk and play with them.

Encourage interactions with other people but don’t push your kid to make friends. He might need some more time. Allow him enough time and space to get comfortable with others. Maybe you can invite some families over your house for some ice-cream or lemonade. It will be much easier for your kid dealing with strangers in  familiar environment.

3. Keep it safe!

Even though most people are nice and friendly, there are some who are not. Let your kid know about dangers and how to react when faced with them. It is important not to scare or even threaten your kid. Explain differnet, possibly hazardous situations in simple and neutral terms.

How do you help your child when meeting new people and making new friends? Please share your thoughts and comme

I remember I was always afraid of the snakes, even from my youngest days. In Slovenia snakes are quite rare and you are not very likely to meet one. But I somehow manage to see snakes where ever I go. Last time we were at the Kolpa river bathing and enjoying ourselves and suddenly there was a snake in front of me. I panicked and we immediately left the place. We then talked to a friend who lives near the river and he saw a snake once in his entire life. My husband said: “You must be attracting snakes, you are seeing them everywhere.” And at the time I didn’t think about it until someone said: ”It’s a good sign!” I got curious and searched the net and I only found really good and positive descriptions.

Snakes mean wisdom, healing, intuition, awaking of creative forces, ability to handle change without resistance, new opportunities for change, material vitality, intellect emotional control and increased sensitivity to the environment. Really great, isn’t? And now wherever I go I am looking for snakes eager to see one.

The only thing that changed in this story is my perspective, my point of view and my attitude.
Read the rest of this entry »

I was lying the other day on the beach and there were many families with kids around me. As usual I was observing how the parents treat children and how the kids behave.

What really bothered me that day was that some parents were treating their kids as they were little babies even when they were already 4, 6 or even more years old.

Are you doing the same mistake? Do you always stand behind your kid and follow each step? Are you yelling: “Dress up, you will catch cold?” or “Don’t go there, you will fall!” or even “You already ate one ice-cream today, you might get ill if you eat more!”. And then there were parents who were dressing and undressing the kids. Running after them with sandwiches. Going with them to the ice-cream parlor just few steps away. Or have them wear shoes all the time.

By over-protecting your kid you are doing great damage to his self-esteem and his self-worth. You are taking away his power to do the things his way and to learn by doing. And you are depriving him of some great experiences.
Read the rest of this entry »

When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment, there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not ready. The challenge will not wait. Life does not look back.

Paulo Coelho

 
I don’t know why but today I remembered this little incident from several years ago and I want to share it with you.

Anja had a birthday and she invited some friends from the school. We planned to have a pool party but it was raining, so we decided to have a party in the house.

There were around 15 kids invited and they were playing just great. We had some games we prepared and just ate the cake. And when the party was coming to end I found some money lying on the floor. It was not small amount but rather large for the kid to carry around.

Read the rest of this entry »

“Have great hopes and dare to go all out for them. Have great dreams and dare to live them. Have tremendous expectations and believe in them.”

Norman Vincent Peale

Do you remember your younger days, when you can be a teacher one day, the next day a policeman and then an astronaut another day? You could live in the jungle or at the sea bottom. And your imagination was vivid and limitless…

Did you imagine back then your own life in 10, 20 or even more years? Do you live now what you dreamed when you were a kid? If not, do you wish you would? I read it somewhere that close to 70% of the people are not satisfied at their jobs. I am sure that a large number of them wish they would follow their childhood dreams instead that of others.

But first of all one must know what he or she wants. How could he otherwise follow his dreams if he doesn’t know what they are?

What can you as a parent do to help your children find what they really want? How can you help them discover their dreams?

Read the rest of this entry »

As you grow older, you’ll find the only things you regret are the things you didn’t do.

Zachary Scott

The other day, my husband was contacted by an advertising company to get our daughter Anja to a casting for a telecommunications advertising campaign. It was quite a surprise call, as it was Saturday afternoon and she never applied. Later we discussed it was probably the same casting company that filmed the ad at the swimming pool some time ago and back then Anja’s friend performed in it.

But as I might think she would jump at the opportunity, I mean, which teenager would not want to be a TV star and earn some money, she refused to go.

Read the rest of this entry »

I always tell my daughters to go for their dreams, to reach for the impossible and to always try the unknown.

This last one is especially true for the food. I am really proud that they eat everything – they love vegetables, fruits, even fish and mussels. I met many parents and they were complaining how their children are picky. And then when we discussed it, it turns out that they were picky too. How could they expect from children to eat everything when they are not?

I guess I was lucky because my father was always bringing recipes home from his business trips and my mother was a great cook, so we ate all kind of things. And that’s why I love trying new tastes and foreign cuisines. And so are my daughters. 

Read the rest of this entry »

I’m sure your immediate answer would be: “Of course, I do.” But do you really? Or do you believe in him only at certain occasions, whenever it is appropriate. Do you trust that he will do something that he’s never done before? Or that he is capable of doing something you think he is too young to do? Or that he can judge the situation by himself?

Whether you have small child or a teenager, there are always some tasks that you may find unsuitable or dangerous for the child.

I had a conversation with a friend the other day about children’s help in the kitchen.

I let my children help in the kitchen and cook the meals, even if I had to throw away some ingredients or even if we sometimes ate overcooked spaghetti or too salty salad. I trusted them with the knives at quite early age. They started with the salads and progressed to cooking and baking. Now when I am not at home they are totally capable of preparing the meal for the whole family. I am not afraid that they will cut themselves or that they will burn the house. Of course we had some accidents, but, hey, that’s life.

But on the other hand, my friend said that her daughter would really love to help, but she doesn’t have the time to wait for her, because the girl is too slow. By the time the poor kid does something, my friend gets the whole meal ready.

And this whole conversation makes me think, how we sometimes sabbotage our children with our own limiting beliefs. We do the things instead of them, because they are too small, too slow, too weak… We prepare their clothes for next day, we pack their bags, we cut their meat, we serve them food, we drove them to school, we study with them…

Believe and act as if it were impossible to fail. Charles F. Kettering

But actually we are doing it because we don’t have time, patience or positive beliefs in our children. We often think, that they would not do it themselves as good as we do. Oh, and sometimes it is too dangerous. I know, sometimes really is, but often times we are just protecting ourselves from more work and worries.

What are you doing yourself that you are limiting your child? Is it really helping your child? What message are you delivering to your child? Is it that he is not capable, competent, nor trustworthy? Or do you believe in him and give him a chance to prove it? Think about it!

I’m sure we are all aware of the fact that workout is good for our health, both physical and emotional. But did you know that exercising can improve our intelligence and learning capabilities?

Our bodies are very much a part of our learning, and learning is not an isolated brain function, but every nerve and cell is a network contributing to it.

So let’s get physical and help our children to learn easier and have fun as well. These exercises are really simple and easy to perform, but start slowly until your child develops the rhythm and proper coordination.

• “Cross Crawl”helps coordinate right and left brain by exercising the information flow between the two hemispheres. It is useful for spelling, writing, listening, reading and comprehension. Stand comfortably. Put the right hand across the body to the left knee as you raise it, and then do the same thing for the left hand on the right knee (as if you were marching). Do this for 2-3 minutes.

• “Cross Crawl Backwards” – do the same as before, only this time raise your right heel at the back (like you want to kick yourself in the butt) and touch it behind your body with the left hand. Then do the same with right hand and left heel. Repeat for several minutes. 

• “Brain Buttons” - This exercise increases blood flow to the brain and improves attention. Position one hand so that there is as wide a space as possible between the thumb and index finger, like a large letter “L.” Put your index and thumb below the collar bone on each side of the sternum. Press lightly in a pulsing manner. At the same time put the other hand over the navel area of the stomach. Gently press on these points for about 2 minutes.

• “Lazy 8s” improves visual attention and eye mobility (needed for reading). Stand or sit in a comfortable position. Stretch your arm straight in front of you and start drawing the laying 8s like an infinity sign) as large as you can, moving counterclockwise  up, over and around. Then move clockwise: up, over, around, and back to the beginning midpoint.  As the eyes follow the 8, the head moves slightly. Repeat three times with each hand and then both together.

I know that these exercises look strange, but if you have fun then why not? My daughter actually enjoys all these routines, she likes to jump and do this funny movements and  we use them between her homework and they are great for breaks. Sometimes she don’t want to start learning before we do some exercises.

These exercises are based on the copyrighted work of Paul E. Dennison, Ph.D. and Gail E. Dennison. Brain Gym is a registered trademark of Brain Gym® International. To learn more visit http://www.braingym.org/

by Winsome Coutts

In these busy times, when parents and children have schedules packed to the max, family closeness can fall by the wayside. Most of us have to make an effort to guarantee that work, school, sports, and chores don’t swallow up the very relationships that make those things important.

When is the last time you played or goofed around with your child? Can you remember back that far? Many parents can’t. Life has made us so serious, so focused, that we’ve lost the joy of the simple things, and play was one of the first to go.

But as any child instinctively knows, play is essential to life. It brightens the heart and lightens the spirit. For kids, who live closer than we do to nature, play is as spontaneous as breathing. Sadly, most grown-ups have lost that skill. Our children can be our refresher course.

Playing with your child brings you back to the present, reminds you of what matters, and slows you down long enough to smell the roses. It also connects you emotionally with your child, rebuilding the closeness that the fast-paced, boring routines of life are all too quick to strip away.

Playing together is even more important for your child than it is for you, because she needs to feel close to you to feel loved and happy. If you’ve neglected time together for long enough, it may appear that your child isn’t interested in your attentions. She may even tell you as much. But that’s just bluster, hiding the fear that you will disappoint her again if she lets herself wish for time alone with you. If you initiate playing together, and do it at frequent intervals, even the most aloof pre-teen will start to look forward to it and, in time, throw herself into the fun.

What kind of playing should you do? Pay attention to the activities your child engages in: his idea of enjoyment. If these things seem boring to you, try hanging out nearby, observing as he does them, with words that express your curiosity. You just may find you actually develop a genuine interest. If your child is a couch potato, take up your perch on the couch beside him, but after you’re allowed “in,” initiate some play that might be more pleasant than TV.

Think back to what you did as a child that was memorable, especially activities you did with your parents that stay with you still. Think about things that are free or cost little, that involve experiencing life together. Start a list of ideas as they come, and add any of the following that you resonate with:

• Raking stacks of autumn leaves, then jumping or rolling in them
• Taking a hike through the forest preserve
• Skating at the roller rink together
• Walking the dog, taking turns with the rope
• Reading comics or joke books together (or books of poetry or stories)
• Making cookies, pizza or a cake
• Building a fort out of snow or chairs and blankets
• Playing hide and seek, hide the thimble, cards or board games
• Lying on a blanket looking up at the stars
• Sitting in front of the wood stove in a dark room, telling stories
• Making shadow figures on the wall with your hands and a flashlight
• Having a treasure hunt
• Roasting marshmallows over a fire
• Watching a parade
• Going to the aquarium, zoo or museum
• Flying kites together
• Building something
• Making a scrapbook
• Making up a silly poem or song
• Watching a movie, with popcorn and no interruptions
• Playing a memory game, like “I’m going to Grandma’s house, and in my suitcase I’m going to pack …”
• Getting up early to watch the sunrise from a hill
• Playing games of pretend
• Going somewhere special, like the beach
• Having a pancake picnic in the snow

Playing together is different than finding entertaining activities for your child. Play involves you, while entertainment excuses you from the picture. If you find yourself saying, “But my schedule is too busy for any of the things on that list,” consider whether your schedule needs some pruning. After all, who’s going to remember in 20 years if you stay late at work or not next Tuesday? But will your child ever forget the Tuesday you ride the rollercoaster together?

Closeness with a child cannot be taken for granted. Like any other relationship, it will slip away unless it’s made a priority. Nothing builds trust and bonding with a child like sharing a moment of silliness and laughter. Come together for light-hearted play, and you just may find your child opens up about serious subjects. The relaxed atmosphere of play helps us let our guard down and reveal more of ourselves.

When you play together, let your child feel like the most important person in your world. Give him your undivided attention: no cell phones, no interruptions, no slipping into your own private thoughts. Be present – body, mind and spirit. Then let yourself do whatever comes naturally, with the abandon you felt when you yourself were a child. Your instincts will be your guide.

Growing closer through play is easy. It just takes dedicated moments, given on a fairly regular basis, so your child begins to count on having time with you.

Let your child re-teach you the wonderful secrets of play. You both will feel more secure and peaceful – and a whole lot happier, as the reason you do it all for, starts to come back to you.  

Winsome Coutts holds a teacher’s certificate in education and has written hundreds of articles on self-development. She has studied with Bob Proctor and John Demartini, popular teachers featured on “The Secret” DVD. She is the passion behind the www.4lifehappykids.com and is a parent and grandparent.

Winsome is author of “Go for Your Goals” for kids – a set of downloadable e-books that guide your child through the joyful steps of learning visualization, goal-setting and the Law of Attraction. Simple language enhanced with beautiful illustrations and worksheets make these books appealing and motivating. To learn more, visit www.4lifehappykids.com