No matter how much I love Christmas spirit, decorating, baking and Christmas songs, I HATE shopping. I just hate all this nervousness, craziness and over-spending. I see distressed parents trying to buy as much as possible from their kids’ wish list or even more. Or something different as long as it looks BIG. And at the end they are all in a bad mood when it’s time for paying it, not to mention days or month later, when the credit card bill is due.

It doesn’t have to be that way!

I still remember my younger days when we got something we really needed – new wardrobe, new shoes, maybe set of skis, skates… But today our kids have almost everything they need. We are usually not saving to get them what they want for that special occasions, we buy them stuff at the very same moment they express the need (or we see it). Just because we can. Of course there is always something new they want, and often times if we feel they don’t really need it, it ends in the letter to Santa.

But ask yourself – why in the world would we want to get them this item if we think they don’t need it?

• we want to show them how much we love them
• we want to show our kids that we would do anything for them
• we want to show them we can afford it (even if in reality we can’t, we just want to look good in our children’s eyes)
• we want to feel appreciated
• we want something in return (I appreciated your wishes, now it’s time for you to do the same)
• and so on and on…

Everything for the wrong reasons, wouldn’t you agree?

So instead of getting nervous and anxious, show your love and appreciation in inexpensive, but more valuable ways. We don’t need to break the bank or loose our sanity. Here are some ideas what you can do instead:

Devote some extra special time to be with your child. Go for a walk, go skating, play board games, read the book, compete in computer games… Create coupons and give them to child so he can use them whenever he feels.

Give gifts that connect your child with family and/or friends. Buy him tickets to the cinema, admissions to amusement parks or museums, organize him a party….

Listen and understand what your child really wants. If it’s a new toy, that he wants just because everyone else is having, maybe he needs more appreciation, higher self-esteem… so be careful about his Why? and choose the activities that support that.

Look for ways where you can give a little but your child gets a lot. This can include a charity work or donation, creating gifts for others, delivering secret notes… For example we bought a really big bone for our dog and girls just can’t wait to see the dog’s reaction to the gift. The excitement about giving and anticipation is more important than expensive toy that will soon end up forgotten in their rooms.

Promote spirit of Christmas instead focusing on the gifts. I know every child is excited to get his gift under the tree, but Christmas is so much more. It’s the atmosphere, the cards, the ornaments, baking and cooking… all these can be done with your kids and I’m sure they will remember these more than anything.

What are your ideas of spending the holiday season in inexpensive but meaningful ways? Please share below.

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How often do you say to yourself and/or your kids. »I can’t afford it.« »If only we had more money.« »I don’t have time.«

But do you really need a lot of money and time to feel good and enjoy life? No. If I asked you when were you most happy, what would you say? When you had lots of money or would you remembered fun times with your friends or quite evenings with a good book. You know that being happy and satisfied has nothing to do with the money. And the same goes to time. Are you using it as an excuse?

It’s all about the attitude. The only thing you really need is an idea of what you want and some effort to follow the idea.

Today I decided to give you some ideas to help you make these small steps toward better life:

• Set aside some private time (only-me time).
• Go for a walk with your friend or family member.
• Talk about good things in life with excitement.
• Create a daily routine for a family to sit together and talk (like family tea-time or after-dinner time).
• Write a gratitude journal every evening, together as a family.
• Create a family bulletin board – put up drawings from your child, photographs, awards, emails from happy clients, and so on to help you build your self-esteem.
• Write notes with something positive and leave them around for others to find them.
• Play with your children.
• Put flowers in and around your home – fresh cut or plants, all will make you feel good.
• Observe trees, flowers, animals… Really see and feel the beauty around you.
• Declutter some of your space – it can be a shelf or whole closet, when you clean and put away the things you don’t need anymore, you will feel lighter and fresher.
• Donate things you don’t need or want anymore.
• Talk to someone, that you don’t know but you are seeing him/her very often (like someone you meet on the bus, maybe cashier…)
• If you know someone who is elderly and in need of company, visit him/her.
• Call an old friend.
• Make it a habit to leave something good behind (if you’re done reading your magazine or newspaper, leave it behind for someone else to read; if you buy a soda from the vending machine, leave some spare change behind for the next person to use; ..)
• Decide to do something new, something you’ve never done before.
• Don’t sweat the small stuff – choose your battles wisely and ignore little annoyances.
• Indulge yourself – find ways to pamper yourself without going broke. An ice-cream, a hot bath or glass of champagne doesn’t cost much, but they can have huge impact on your well-being and feelings.

ENJOY!

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Today I have a little story for you (and I’m sure you’ve heard of it; it’s from Stephen Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People ), to remind you of the important things in your life.

How many times we don’t find the time or the will to do something of value? How much time we spend for small, everyday stuff, when the big issues are waiting for us to find the space? And when raising the children, it become even  more important. If we miss the opportunity to teach them lessons for life, we will never get that chance again.

So here is the story:

One day an expert in time management was speaking to a group of business students and to drive home a point, used an illustration those students will never forget. As he stood in front of the group of high powered over-achievers, he said, “Okay, time for a quiz.”

Then he pulled out a one gallon, wide-mouthed Mason jar and set on the table in front of him. He then produced about a dozen fist sized rocks and carefully placed them, one at a time, into the jar. When the jar was filled to the top and no more rocks would fit inside, he asked, “Is the jar full?” Everyone in the class said, “Yes.”

Then he said, “Really?” He reached under the table and pulled out a bucket of gravel. He dumped some gravel in, and shook the jar, causing pieces of gravel to work themselves down into the space between the big rocks. Then he asked the group once more, “Is the jar full?” By this time the class was on to him. “Probably not,” one of them answered.

“Good!” he replied.

He reached under the table and brought out a bucket of sand. He started dumping the sand in the jar, and it went into all the spaces left between the rocks and the gravel. Once more he asked the question, “Is the jar full?” “No!” the class shouted.

Once again he said, “Good!”

Then he grabbed a pitcher of water and began to pour it in until the jar was filled to the brim. Then he looked at the class and asked, “What is the point of this illustration?”

One eager student raised his hand and said, “The point is, no matter how full your schedule is, if you try really hard, you can always fit some more things in!” “No,” the speaker replied, “That’s not the point.

The truth this illustration teaches us is: If you don’t put the big rocks in first, you’ll never get them in at all.

What are the ‘big rocks’ in your life? Your children….Your loved ones…Your education… Your dreams…A worthy cause…..Teaching or mentoring others…. Doing things that you love…Time for yourself…. Your health….Your significant other.”

“Remember to put these BIG ROCKS in first, or you’ll never get them in at all. If you sweat the little stuff (the gravel, the sand) then you’ll fill your life with little things to worry about that don’t really matter, and you’ll never have the real quality time you need to spend on the big, important stuff (the big rocks).

Ask yourself: What are the ‘big rocks’ in my life? Then, put those in your jar first.

Teaching children secrets and values of life can sometimes be really overwhelming. I am promoting teaching through play, which I’m sure you are familiar with. But now I »discovered« another great easy way – showing them how someone else is doing it. And if this someone is a hero, a champion or someone your child admire, it’s getting even easier.

You know that my daughter is competing in swimming and just recently I bought her a book about Michael Phelps. (I have a good excuse for not buying it before:) She didn’t know enough of English to read it. Now she is willing to give it a try and I’m proud to say she understands most of it. Yet another benefit.). Michael is an exceptional athlete, winning 8 gold medals at last Olympic games.

Apart from it that the book is really an interesting read, Michael describes in every detail his daily training routines, how he prepares for the competitions and how he get to where he is.

He determines goals for every swim meet, for every competition. He writes them down . They are very specific, to one hundreth of a second. Then he visualize them. He says he has such vivid imagination that he can see every wave in the water.

Suddenly my teachings and what I’m trying to show my kids become a reality. They are not a theory anymore or something that I insist on doing every year. Someone she admires is doing it! Now she is telling me: »Mum, he puts his goals on refrigerator.«

Once Anja told me that all she wants is to be normal. More like her school friends, whose mothers don’t make them do vision boards or write down goals or meditate. But now goal setting and visualising become normal. If Michael is doing it and he even talk about it in the book, there must be something real about it. And it must be working:) The results are obvious.

Now she is looking at her wall poster with her goals in completely different way. Even if she doubted about them before, she feels now she can reach them.

Next time you want to teach your kid a lesson or two, find more about who she or he admires and let the role-model do your work. The child will recognise and see your ideas in action and more likely he will take them to the heart. The role-model is something totally diferent than a mother who one day teaches important lessons and another day is angry at you.

Even Napoleon Hill wrote his classic »Think and Grow Rich« by studying the lives of rich and succesful people. Why don’t you use the same strategy to teach your kids?

What do you think? Does your child has a role model you can use to teach him something positive? You are welcome to share your thoughts on the blog.

Are you already counting days until Christmas? All gifts bought and wrapped? If not, don’t worry. There is still time, especially if you were planning taking it slow. But even if you haven’t, take it easy. 

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If you are anything like me, and you have kids, that attend millions of activities, the majority of your time you spend driving kids back and forth and wasting time in between.

It requires not only great organizational skills and being very flexible, not to say available, but think about all the time you spend waiting.

Although it’s great sometimes to meet other mums and go for a cup of coffee, doing it on a daily basis is great time-waster.

When Anja has a competition, for me it means waking up in the early morning hours, driving to the venue and back home in the evening. I literally have whole day off. Although she doesn’t really need me there by her side, I spend the day at the pool, just in case… I often used to bring laptop computer with me, but I rarely even open it, let alone that I would really work. And I felt bad for not doing the things…

Living in these busy times it is necessary to organize and prioritize things in-between. But it does not mean you need to go running around and doing things you have to do. Of course you can do some errands or go shopping, but why don’t you just take some time off.

While you wait you can read good book, that you wanted to read for some time, you can listen to motivational audio book or meditation, you can go for a walk. Think about your dreams, your goals, your plans… You can even write your gratitude journal, sitting in the car or in the park.

You can start attending yoga or aerobics class if it’s somewhere near. Or go to the fitness club. Even half an hour is better than nothing.

Choose to spend some time by yourself, daydreaming, relaxing and recharging.

Of course that errands and other “must do” things will wait for you, but you’ll be relaxed, calm and with more energy to finish them. You’ll also have many new ideas that you can implement in your home, family or at your work. You’ll be more aligned with your inner self and you’ll be excited about your new perspective.

Now think about your waiting time. How do you spend it? Can you combine some errands and paths? Can you expand your waiting time to make space for your classes? What things can you do to lift you up but require little time? What things would you like to do, but you keep putting them off just because you are so busy – waiting?

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I often write and talk about the time we spend with our children. And how we should set aside as much time as possible to be with kids and enjoy quality time together. And it is important! But what about your time? Do you spend enough time with yourself?

Look at your typical day. If you are anything like me, your day is filled with errands, house-keeping (well, at least I don’t do the cleaning), driving the kids around from one activity to another, doing business… And if that’s not enough Anja has competitions on Saturdays and Tina is having her riding lessons on Sundays.

We, the parents are so busy and overwhelmed with the things we have to do and they just can’t wait.

But do you sacrifice your time for it? Are the needs of others always before yours? And do you feel guilty if you let your family members to be on their own?

I know I did. I often refused an invitation from friends to go out just because I felt I have to put my kids to bed or help them with their homework or prepare them dinner. And going on a regular aerobics classes was out of the question. Let alone going somewhere for few days. This silent voice inside me was saying “what kind of mother are you to leave your kids alone”. There was always something more I could do and assist my kids with.

But then I got more and more unsatisfied with myself. I gain some weight. I was always very active and now I wasn’t fit anymore. Kids needed me less (now they are really happy not to have me around sometimes). And I realized it was a huge mistake. Well I still spend a lot of time with my kids and doing things for my kids, but…

There is nothing wrong going out with your friends. It is OK to spend some time with yourself. In fact you should do it. You need to be alone sometimes. You need to have your circle of friends outside your family. You should follow your own passions and desires.

Now think about this – when you are happy and satisfied, how will you feel? And how will you make your children and spouse feel? It’s a perfect example of Law of Attraction. When you feel good about yourself, you vibrate at higher level and you attract good things in your life. Isn’t that much better than always nagging and being grumpy? Because of the law, you then get more of that into your life. Which one would you prefer?

And there is another thing: kids so much look at the parents that have their own interests. They really don’t appreciate if you are on their heads all the time. Can you imagine your child when he describes his mother? Would he say: “oh, my mum stays at home, cooks and take care of me.” Not that this is something bad, of course. We all do that:) How about this: “My mum loves herself and she goes to the gym every night.” Or “My mum is in the bowling club and last time she won!”

Do you see the difference? Kids don’t think being a housekeeper and waiting at home to make their wishes come true is something special. They see it as your everyday “job”. But doing something interesting, that you are excited about, is totally different. It is fun, it is intriguing and it is something they can talk about.

But how do you do it?

First, think about how you spend your time. Do you devote your entire day to others? Do you have any time for yourself? Analyze your day and discover void time slots and time-consumers.

Make decision in your mind. You need some time for yourself to feel good. You need to be doing something that you really like (besides your family). But it all starts with your thoughts.

To begin, set aside few minutes every day. Think, when it would be the best time to do it. It could be in the morning, before everybody wakes up. It could be in the evening. Or maybe sometime between all the kids’ activities. Gradually increase the time.

Plan your time as an appointment and let everyone know that it’s not negotiable. Stick to your plan and don’t allow anyone to change that.

Share your passion with family. Talk about your time spent without them. What did you do? Where have you been? Let them see your enthusiasm and your newly found optimism.

Feel good about it. Don’t let guilt stop you from doing it. You deserve some free time and you deserve to spend it however you choose.

And most of all, enjoy it!

How do you spend your “me” time? Please share your thoughts and comments below.

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This last weekend I spent at the golf tournament. I don’t play golf yet, but I decided I will sometime soon (like next spring). My husband was photographing the event and we were driving around in the golf car. It was so much fun:)

Once, we stopped to wait for the players to hit their balls and I was observing their decisions. They were standing at one side of the small pond, while the hole was on the other side. And they were pondering the length, which clubs to take, how to hit…

But the distance was quite large and I was calculating:”If I would be playing… if I hit hard, it might not be enough and the ball might end in the pond, but if I play safe, the ball would stay on this side of the pond and I would need to hit again, losing points.”

And then it stroke me. It’s just like our decisions in life.

Think about it! How would you play? Would you play safe or would you go for it no matter what? Would you rather go slow or give everything and risk losing something?

You know, someone he looks up to. Someone he admires his characteristics, his attitude and his (super) powers. It can be a person, fantasy creature, movie or cartoon character or even an animal.

What is important is that he finds something good and noteworthy in him/it and he wants to possess the same qualities.

Encourage your kid to find his own role model or several of them. Too often we, the parents put down the power of the role models. When we say things like ”Don’t be silly, don’t act like that, you are not a superman.” we are actually putting down all the positive sides of that role model.

Instead you should help your kids to find a positive role model. By emphasising positive qualities and encouraging thinking like a super hero we are giving our kids the power to think outside the box. When the kid personifies his role model, he is adopting the thinking and behaving of that superhero.

If your kid doesn’t have a role model, maybe you can encourage finding one to the specific situations. When facing a problem, ask your kid who might help him. What qualities would he need to find the solution? Who might be best help him with the problem? You can offer several ideas, giving your kid time to think from different angles. Superman might solve the problem differently than Ben10 or Lion the King. And when playing and stepping in their shoes he might find the right solution.

Teach your kid to ask for help imaginary creatures when he faces challenges. He might ask for help someone that he think could help him, like Einstein for mathematical problems. Teach him to approach the problem from different positions by using the power of different models.

Of  course you should monitor that behaviour do not become violent, negative or event destructive, but as long as the kid is pretending to be someone better, stronger and smarter, you should support his play.

You might check out the workbook “50 Law of Attraction Games for Children” to help you with the role playing and finding the qualities your kid admires.

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The other day we decided to spend the hot Sunday by the lake or the river. But we didn’t know which one:) So we looked on the map and found the lake not too far away we never visited before. We packed things and hit the road. We arrived only to find out that it is a great tourist destination, but not at all suitable for swimming. And we drove back looking for the perfect spot to have a picnic and to cool ourselves in the water. Which we didn’t find. And after driving around for almost 4 hours we all got frustrated and just wanted to go home to swim in our own pool in the backyard.

Just like when you are going on a trip, where you need to know the destination to decide about the road and stops and everything that comes in your way, you need to have direction for your family life too.

If you don’t know where you want to go, you will stay just where you are. You have to know what you want. But when it comes to the family, it is not just the sum of the needs and wants of the individuals, it is so much more than that. And I strongly believe that family as a whole should have its own vision. Think of a family as a ship. The ship has the final destination and is going towards her harbor and everyone on her can have different  reasons, motivations… but still the same goal.

Every member is important in the family and should have its own visions and goals, but if want the family to be happy, prosperous and supportive, we need to find the way to create environment where all members feel supported and valued.

So get together all family members and decide on the areas you want to define. You should include topics such as family relations, friends, work and school, home, health, fun (holidays and leisure time), education, spiritual matters and any other are you feel it is important.

Now for each of the areas define the parameters and qualities you want to follow and respect. Set also the boundaries for the things that are unacceptable in your family. Describe ideal situations. What would be the perfect state of the things? What would you do? Where would you vacation? Where would you live? How would your life look like in 10, 20 or 50 years.

Be as specific as possible. Think not only about what you see from your current stand-point but imagine the impossible and outside your box. Don’t limit yourself by your current situation.

It is a great family activity to create a family vision board and put it on the wall somewhere to be seen most of the times to remind each and every one of the destination they are going.

Once you have your general direction, it will be much easier to define shorter term goals and activities. You will be focused on your desired income and not side-tracked by life’s obstacles and trials. Each family member will know the path that family is going.

Of course the visions, plans and goals are not carved in stone and you should review them every now and then and adapt to any new circumstances and wishes that arise.