“As simple as it sounds, we all must try to be the best person we can: by making the best choices, by making the most of the talents we’ve been given.” Mary Lou Retton
Do you have any predetermined ideas about your child’s ability and competence? Like he’s no good for math? Or he will never be good at sports?
I must admit when I saw my children grow, I created a picture in my head, that Anja (older daughter) will never be good at sports. She was fleshy. And clumsy. She dropped the ball even when thrown from close range. I was sure she would not even attend any sport. But then she started swimming and she is good at it. She excels at the school athletic competition, and she loves to run. I was also sure that she would never sacrifice anything of her comfort for the sport. But then she goes to practice every day, sometimes even in the morning at 6 a.m. And her competitions took her all weekends, but she enjoys them.
On the other hand, younger Tina is a born sportswoman. From the moment she started to walk, she could run and she was always very quick to learn any sport like bicycling, roller-blading, badminton, basketball… Whatever she set her mind to, she could do it. But the problem is, she doesn’t want to.
So the one I was sure will be a great athlete, doesn’t want to engage in any sporting activity, and the one I condemned to the laziness, is a great sport.
I guess I got lucky enough to let them live their lives, to let them decide what they want and to listen to their wishes. And I am really proud of it!
But how often do we believe and say things, that are not necessarily beneficial to the child? Do you listen to your talk? Do you say to your child sometimes: “You’re lazy. You’re no good. You are stupid. What are you thinking? You will never get this…. ” Maybe not in these same direct words, but do you say things that your child can interpret as something like that? And do you encourage your child to engage in activities that you think will be good for him?
There was a research some time ago, when they told the teacher how one child is good in music, other in sports, yet another in math. Although they were not, she inspired each one of them to develop their “gifts” and they end up doing these things as their professions. Yes, I agree, it can be interpreted as a sample of positive enforcement, where the kids developed the “gifts” they were told to have. But that’s my point. We told them what they are good at. They didn’t make their own choices.
What do you think? Post you comments below.
