You know how all letters begin: » Dear Santa, I’ve been good this year and I want….«.

Make it somehow differrent this year. Help the child explain why he thinks he’s been good. Let him describe this passing year in a really positive way.

What did he achieve? What did he learned? What did he accomplished? What did he do to others? Who did he help?

Together find positive events, when he was really happy or excited. When was he most proud of himself? What activities did he enjoy the most with his friends? When did the family have the best time?

You can even encourage some words about gratitude. What moments, people and things is he grateful for, that was in his life this year?

And finally, of course, let him ask for his wish. But again, make it more profound and help your kid describe everything he wants for himself in the coming year. What would he like to be? What would he like to accomplish? Where would he like to go?

This way the letter to Santa will not only express his demands for a certain material thing (toy, electonics, …), but it will give him an insight about all the great things he already have in life and he will certainly see his future in broader perspective.

Before the letter is sent, copy it and put somewhere you all can see it. It will be a great reminder throughout the whole 2011 to be and have what he wished for.

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Christmas gift suggestions:

To your enemy, forgiveness. 
To an opponent, tolerance. 
To a friend, your heart. 
To a customer, service.  
To all, charity. 
To every child, a good example.
To yourself, respect.

Oren Arnold

The last month of the year just started. It’s filled with expectations for something new, better, bigger. But too often we got caught in the shopping frenzy, being bombarded by all the sales and special offers and promotions. And being stressed out by the pressure from our kids, family and friends to buy that perfect gift, to fulfill their biggest wish. Not to mention the preparation and cooking for the Christmas and New Year Eve.

Why don’t you make it peaceful and calmer this year?

Start by deciding what you and your family really want. What would be the perfect holidays for you? How would you spend your days? Visiting friends? Go skiing or to the theatre?

Think outside the box. The traditions like this always have certain rules and expectations around them. Don’t follow them if you feel that they don’t support your ideas.

When you agree how you want to live those days, start planning your action steps. What need to be done to make your ideal holidays possible? When you need to start?

At our family we already agreed to be at home for both, Christmas and New Year night, but we will spend December visiting and inviting friends to our house. The kids will have their own tea parties and they will make the ornaments, some cookies and Christmas cards. That way I don’t have to worry about buying them, I will just use those. One item checked.

And then about the gifts. Of course if your kids are small enough to believe in Santa, you mustn’t spoil the fun and excitement. But if they are older, and they know who the Santa really is, then you can discuss their wishes. Make them write them down, but be smart and talk with your kids. Let them choose one larger or 2-3 smaller gifts that they really wish. And make sure they get them. Don’t make them do the wish list and then buy something you think they need. I think there is no greater disappointment then unwrapping the box and finding a pair of socks in it.

Kids can be really understanding, if you explain to them why and how. They can understand that Christmas is really about sharing time and love and being together. If we make that clear, we have a great chance that we can go through holidays without getting into the (financial) troubles.

And make sure, that you walk your talk. Stick to the agreed agenda and make your wish, too. Wouldn’t you agree that kids love to buy Christmas gifts to parents as well. But too often because of their limited budget their gifts are nice memory, and let’s be honest, useless. Why don’t you tell them what you want and have in mind how much money they have. Maybe they can buy one gift together?

Focus more on being together, talking about your blessings, dreaming about the future. December is a perfect month to make your family vision board. It’s a great activity that connects family members, it’s fun and make you think about where you are going.

I wish you peace and love.

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Can you imagine what they are? No, I don’t mean cursing or calling him names. Those words that I have in mind are actually really polite, can be even nice and well-meaning, but they are deadly.

They will not kill your child, of course, but they will kill his ambition, his dreams and his motivation. And those are the things that we as a parents need to empower. What would happen to your child, when he grows up and find himself in the life with no future, no motivation, no inspiration and nothing to look after? He might just be dead as well.

And what are those 3 words?

You must

Whenever we say to our child “You must do something.” or “You must be something.” , we are giving him orders. We approach him from our authority perspective, giving him no choice whatsoever. When we say “You must…” the child understands it as “You better do this or…”.

There is always an alternative. We can ask a child to do something. We can suggest. We can explain, why we need something to be done.

You should

It’s similar to “You must…” It sounds a bit nicer, but still there are threats and expectations hidden behind those words. Again, the child understands it “It really doesn’t matter what you do, but you better do it my way. I am smarter here and I know what’s best for you.”

Why don’t you go through the option your child have together? You can discuss all the pros and cons and he can decide what’s better alternative.

You can’t

This one is the most vicious killer of dreams of them all. When we say those words, we are saying to our child, he is not good enough, not smart enough, not valuable enough. And often times that others are more important than he is. Because we don’t say “You can’t” just like that. Many times we think about our environment, our friends and relatives, or even worse, about the strangers, that might see our child doing something, we think he shouldn’t.

But guess what! All the great inventors, great adventurers, great men and women of our world… they all did, what they shouldn’t and what others said they can’t.

Give your child a wings, keep his dreams alive and avoid those 3 deadly words.

 Make it a New Year Resolution to eliminate those words from your vocabulary.

Need help? Check out Raising Sparkling Kids© program!

I would love to hear your thoughts. Post your comments below!

Related articles

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• Child’s Play (greatergood.berkeley.edu)

* the name Zdravko means someone who heals:) (and Medved means the bear)

Few months ago, new teddy bear stepped into our homes. While working with EFT and the Medved Zdravko non-profit organization, it was time to get our own Tappy Bears. The kids love them and even I like to cuddle one. And because I promised Tina to make a “real” interview with her about our new toy, here it is (unedited and as it happened):

Alenka: Tina, tell us a litle bit about yourself.
Tina: I am 10 years old and I love nature and animals. I attend 5th class. I also have one sister and two bunnies.
Alenka: You are here today with me, because I know you have a very special toy, named Tappy Bear. How did you hear about it?
Tina: My mum told me about it. It helps children if they are scared or hurt.
Alenka: How did you get it?
Tina: When I saw the photos on internet and learnt how he is helping kids, I immediatelly loved it. Me and mum went to Sabina and I chose one. When we brought him home, my sister wanted to have one too.
Alenka: Why do you like him?
Tina: It’s so soft and cuddly. I even sleep with him.
Alenka: How does he help you?
Tina: He helps me, if I am hurt or if I’m scared. I can tap in the morning if we have test in the school. Because he has dots, I can always remember where to tap.
Alenka: And what do you know about tapping?
Tina: I know that you tap on this points with your fingers and you tell the Tappy where it hurts or why you are sad. You tap on those points, because there is energy and it goes around your body, and if it is blocked, then you are sick.
Alenka: Can you tell us an example?
Tina: He helped me when I was sad when I accidentally tore my sister’s poster. I was scared that she will be mad at me. So I said:”Even tho I tore the poster, I am still a good girl and my sister loves me.”
Alenka: How would you tell other kids about the Tappy Bear?
Tina: He is your friend and when you tap on those points, and tell him what’s wrong, he helps you to get better.
Alenka: Great, and for the end? You want to add anything else?
Tina: I think every child should have Zdravko. He helps and you can trust him with all your secrets and worries.

I know this is not something of extreme  literal value, but we had so much fun. Tina was so proud to be interviewed to be published; she took photo shooting with the bear and she is constantly asking, when will I publish this. Anja took the pictures and edited them. Take a look:

So, even if it looks to us adults that it’s nothing much, it means a lot to a child. They need to be appreciated and acknowledged, so when you listen to them and really make an effort to hear them, you are definitely raising their self-esteem.

Try it and post your experiences below!

Want to learn more about Tappy Bear? Go to www.tappybear.com

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You know, someone he looks up to. Someone he admires his characteristics, his attitude and his (super) powers. It can be a person, fantasy creature, movie or cartoon character or even an animal.

What is important is that he finds something good and noteworthy in him/it and he wants to possess the same qualities.

Encourage your kid to find his own role model or several of them. Too often we, the parents put down the power of the role models. When we say things like ”Don’t be silly, don’t act like that, you are not a superman.” we are actually putting down all the positive sides of that role model.

Instead you should help your kids to find a positive role model. By emphasising positive qualities and encouraging thinking like a super hero we are giving our kids the power to think outside the box. When the kid personifies his role model, he is adopting the thinking and behaving of that superhero.

If your kid doesn’t have a role model, maybe you can encourage finding one to the specific situations. When facing a problem, ask your kid who might help him. What qualities would he need to find the solution? Who might be best help him with the problem? You can offer several ideas, giving your kid time to think from different angles. Superman might solve the problem differently than Ben10 or Lion the King. And when playing and stepping in their shoes he might find the right solution.

Teach your kid to ask for help imaginary creatures when he faces challenges. He might ask for help someone that he think could help him, like Einstein for mathematical problems. Teach him to approach the problem from different positions by using the power of different models.

Of  course you should monitor that behaviour do not become violent, negative or event destructive, but as long as the kid is pretending to be someone better, stronger and smarter, you should support his play.

You might check out the workbook “50 Law of Attraction Games for Children” to help you with the role playing and finding the qualities your kid admires.

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